I Understand Too Well, That “Sinking Feeling”

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**Sexual Abuse Trigger Warning**

 

Unsolicited, Unwelcome, Unnecessary, Uncanny, Undeniable, Indecent, Incomprehensible, Inappropriate And Highly Infuriating…

Just a few of the ‘nicer’ words used to describe all the sexual advances I have received since I was a child. {A.CHILD!}  I am sickened from having to type that out.

When Michelle Obama so passionately spoke out against Trump and his bragging about what he likes to say and do to women, I did not want to understand what she was talking about.  I hated that I was grossly familiar with that “sinking feeling” she described.  The feeling  women get when walking down the street and are subjected to vulgar words and advances. I was saddened and overwhelmed as I realized the enormity of this colossal issue and how the majority of women listening could relate. 

The older I get the more disgusted I feel about what I and many women have endured. 

From a very young age, I instinctively knew that what boys and men were saying and doing to me was wrong.  Children are smarter than we give them credit for, they know.

People were constantly telling my parents that I was pretty.  Some compared me to a young Elizabeth Taylor and told me I got my mother’s beautiful looks.  I heard all of this and although it felt good to hear, I was painfully shy and hated any attention I received.  I wanted to be left alone where no one could stare at me and make me feel uncomfortable.

I matured at an early age and looked much older than I was.  This did not help with my efforts to go unnoticed.  Everywhere I went, eyes were on me. I remember wanting to wear large t-shirts so as to hide my rapidly developing breasts.

The memories of unwanted attention and inappropriate advances go back to when I was a young child.  Memories of advances from housekeepers and adult relatives who visited my home.  Memories of gawks from doctors, shop owners, teachers and more. 

I remember a college friend of my grandfather’s being enamored with me at a family event and making me feel uncomfortable as he complimented me and insisted on dancing with me.  I remember hiding and dodging kisses on the lips from a man as he found ways to be alone with me. I remember a landlord getting down on one knee and telling me he wanted to marry me (I was 9 at the time) and flirting with me any chance he got.  I remember him wanting me to give him a back rub. I remember boys snapping the back of my bra and touching me.  I remember a boy feeling my legs as I got on a school bus.  I remember a boy trying to grab my breasts while swimming in a pool.  

I remember several male teachers staring me down and saying inappropriate things as I passed them in the hallway.  I remember a school counselor cat-calling me.  I remember a bus driver not letting me get off the bus until I smiled.  I remember an armed guard at the airport not letting me pass through to my gate until I smiled and showed him my dimple.  

I remember.  I remember more.  I remember a lot more.

Thankfully, there are a lot of wonderful men in my life.  Men I respect, men who respect me and men who I can trust.  There are also a lot of good, decent men that I don’t know.

 What I do know is that these traumatic experiences I had were real.  These boys/men did those things to me and undoubtedly, other men will continue to make me feel uncomfortable, giving me that sinking feeling many of us women know too well.  

Having said that, I am aware that many men have also been victims of sexual assaults and also understand what it feels like.

I have a lot to say about this topic.  I have a lot to scream about regarding this topic.  I will not stop talking about this topic.  But for now, these are my thoughts:

To My Fellow Women,

I get it.  I am so very sorry for what you have had to endure and vow to advocate tirelessly for the freedom to exist without the fear of sexual assault.  I will forever stand beside you giving you my heart-felt and unconditional support.

To My Beautiful Daughter,

I pray that you are not subjected to any of these types of attacks but sadly,  you most likely have/will.  Whatever situation you may face, please know that I adore you.  Know that you are an amazingly strong woman and that you will never stand alone.

To The Good Men,

I thank you for your decency.  I thank you for being the man your mother, wife, sister, daughter and son is proud of.  I applaud you for showing us what being a real man looks like.  I am grateful that we have you in our lives.

To The Abusive Men,

If you are a victim of abuse, I am so very sorry.  If you feel remorse for your actions and have changed your behavior, thank you.  If you continue to engage in this behavior, shame on you.  Your actions are unequivocally repugnant and you MUST STOP NOW.  I will pray that you find it in you to learn how to be a real man someday; what I will NOT do is accept the world you have created.  A world that deems you entitled to do to women as you please.  You will not win this battle.  We will prevail.  We are strong.  We will stop you.  

What Women Really Want – Just in Time for Valentine’s Day

morguefile

morguefile

After extensive research conducted by me in which I interviewed myself, gave myself surveys written by myself, took placebos – knowingly, and used real life examples experienced by only me, I have successfully deciphered what women really want, from their partner.

Because of my impressive credentials and pristine un-tainted research methods, some of my results were published by the New England Journal of Women.  Take a look.

New England Journal of Women ( published 2/7/14)

1.  Women want to be looked at tenderly, by their partner.   Really looked at.  I’m talking face to face, eye to eye, mano a mano.   This makes them feel wanted and important.  When a smile is added to that tender look, Oh My…, she’s all yours. 

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*Exceptions:  If she has a huge zit on her nose or has a mouthful of chocolates – then, by all means, DO NOT LOOK AT HER!

2.  Of all the women interviewed (me) regarding the role Chivalry plays in a relationship, 99.9% said that it is crucial and a total turn-on. One participant said that when her husband helps her with her coat, she gets all warm inside and wants to jump on him right there and then. Opening the car door for her,

If he can do it, so can YOU.

If he can do it, so can YOU.

rottenecard_9229739_jqyy5jqqw5pulling out the chair for her at a restaurant and most importantly, jumping into oncoming traffic to protect her, were some of the popular chivalrous actions women favored.

3.  Women want their partners to LOVE everything they cook.  It does not matter if it smells like dirty feet or tastes like Taco Bell’s twice refried canned beans, eat it.  Don’t ask what it is, when it will be ready or what is in it.  Just smile and eat it – all.

divinedinnerparty.com

divinedinnerparty.com

4.  Women love to be kissed.  The majority of the subjects studied said that kissing is a must.  Having her partner lift her chin up gently before a kiss was the top desired method,  

cartoondrawings.net

cartoondrawings.net

followed by her partner cupping her face with both hands and slowly reaching in for the kiss.  Mmmmmmm I mean, statistically speaking of course.  

Romantic-kissing

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One subject (who will remain nameless) added that being kissed on the neck was her all-time  favorite.

zedge.net

zedge.net

5.  Romance her. The results of the surveys were unanimous.  All women questioned in this study, want nothing more than to be romanced by their partner – especially for Valentine’s Day.  Yes, it is a big deal and she does want you to acknowledge her on Valentine’s Day.  Hello????  And no, a hollow Russell Stover chocolate-shaped heart from Walmart, will not do.

keepcalm-o-matic

keepcalm-o-matic

 Flowers are nice, but dinner out to a decent restaurant is the clear winner (according to the study).  While at the restaurant,  I  they want to be told they are the most beautiful woman in the world.

*A Special Thanks to my research partner,  Bryan Adams who really understands women.

Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman.

To really love a woman, to understand her
You gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought, see every dream
An’ give her wings when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=hq2KgzKETBw