Too Much Birthday

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amazon.com

I hear you, Sister Bear Berenstain!

You were just watching as Papa cut down a tree in the woods of Bear Country with Mama and Brother, when you noticed the peculiar rings around the tree stump.  After asking Papa what the rings were, he went into a long explanation about the meaning of the rings and how they tell us the age of the tree.  

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU ARE HAVING A HUGE 6TH BIRTHDAY BASH!

All your Bear friends showed up and even some of Brother’s friends.  Then, while playing spin the bottle (which by the way, is a little too risqué for a 6-year-old, don’t ya think?), the bottle pointed at you and you only kissed Brother because you were too shy (as a 6-year-old should be) and so his friends made fun of you!

And, not to mention the big surprise Papa had for you outside!  A carousel?  What the heck was Papa thinking?  He didn’t even check with Mama who is obviously the boss, before booking it!

Of course you were wailing, Oh Sister Bear!  It was way too overwhelming.  Simply,

Too Much Birthday!

The truth is I am overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and attention I received for my birthday!  I didn’t wail like Sister did, but I cried many tears of joy.

I also became quite tired of myself.  That’s when you know you have had too much birthday – when you can’t even stand yourself any longer.  Not to mention how many cakes I have eaten. 🙂

The all-girls week at the beach was incredible as was the party my friend had for me last weekend!  Unbelievable!  The only way to tell you about it is through pictures.  I hope they capture how much fun I had and how very fortunate I am.

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Beautiful day at the beach mid-Sept with the cousins.

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Brother in Law’s beautiful home  which hosted the cousin’s reunion.

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Mimosas Galore!

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I was treated to this amazing dinner – those are fried oysters! Thank you to all my cousins – Marias

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37th cake eaten

We would have eaten these two turkeys that walked through our yard also it we weren't so full!

We would have eaten these two turkeys that walked through the yard had we not been so “stuffed”!

Then, there was the other party.

Invitation Cover made by my friend's daughter

Invitation cover made by my friend’s daughter

One of my great friends had the idea to have all the ladies put on red lipstick in my honor (since I never leave home without mine on), so when I walked in the door this is what I was greeted by:

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A little freaky I know, but I am only authorized to show feet and lips on this post (and a few hands).

Delish food and champagne

Delish Food and Champagne

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Then my dear readers, there were the presents!

Beautiful Roses & Wine

Beautiful Roses & Wine

The most beautiful Rosary bead I have ever seen!

The most eclectic Rosary Beads I have ever seen! Thanks Mami (If only it came with directions…)

Coach & More Alex & Ani, thanks to my Sis

Chocolates, Coach bags & More Alex & Ani (thanks Sis)

Beautiful cheetah-print sweater. ROAR!

Beautiful cheetah-print sweater. ROAR!

Products all the way from the Blue Lagoon, Iceland. Thanks cuz.

Products all the way from the Blue Lagoon, Iceland. Thanks, Cuz.

A donation to the Arthritis Foundation on my behalf! Wow!  Thanks, Mama.

A donation to the Arthritis Foundation in my honor! Wow! Thanks, “Mama”.

Grapefruit Vodka with grapefruit seltzer from my fav Gremlin Food Mamahttp://gremlinfoodmom.blogspot.com/  check out her blog!

Grapefruit Vodka with grapefruit seltzer from my fav Gremlin Food Mama http://gremlinfoodmom.blogspot.com/ check out her blog!

A framed copy of one of my blog posts, which was published in the newspaper, what a thoughtful gift! 

And the most amazing present EVERY 50 year-old chick MUST have, given to me by my awesome “sweats as much as I do twin”!  

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We are talking, Hot Girl’s Pearls.  “Global Cooling, One Woman at a Time”!

I kid you not.  You place these wonderful pearls (I like to call them my balls) in the freezer and then put them on and voila!  Your hot flashes – or just hotness will freeze away!  Swish!  Not your hotness as in you are “hot”, but your miserable type of hotness.  And, I even got the black and white polka dot “sac” for my balls – so I can travel with them.  Hello???!!

Here I am "modeling" the pearls. LOL

Here I am “modeling” the pearls. LOL

So as you can see, I had way Too Much Birthday (as per  my hubby when he said, “Ok, your birthday needs to end, now”.)  But boy what a ride it has been!  Almost as good as riding in Sister’s carousel!

I guess 50 does Rock!

I guess 50 does Rock!

Since You’ve Been Gone, Oh 49 – I’ve…

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*Devoured the most succulent juicy and fat cheeseburger with bun and all.  Can I tell you that this must be what being in heaven is like.  I can die today and be the happiest dead 50-year-old!

*Congratulated Diana Nyad on her epic swim which occurred on the same day that I reached my destination (my 50s)!  Her swim (not unlike my swim), should be an inspiration to all to never give up!

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*Enjoyed the most beautiful exotic orchid I have ever seen – it being a birthday gift from an amazing and dear friend.

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*Had to pee a lot.  Nobody warned me that 50 meant wee wee!!

*Found out that I am a Rabbit, while eating at a new chinese restaurant.  

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And enjoyed their killer Mai Tai!

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*Tricked my family and friends and put fake piercings all over my face – including a bull ring in my nose!  They looked so real – I highly recommend doing this.  It was interesting to see their reaction and how uncomfortable they felt to even look at me.  My poor mom thought I had finally fallen off the edge and was ready to hospitalize me. LOL.

*Blown out a lot of candles:

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*Received my first Alex and Ani bracelet from my beautiful daughter!  It’s the Mom one. 🙂

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*Gotten myself a new giant piece (age 50 and over)  jigsaw puzzle.

*Sang at the top of my lungs – while using the facilities.

*Received a SPECIAL “gift” from another dear friend that I cannot really talk about.  Just trust me, it will help with my RA.

*Gotten lot’s of kisses and hugs and lovin’ from  wonderful people.

I leave this weekend for a girl’s getaway with 3 other crazy Latinas and then the following Sat “an event”  is taking place in my honor.

If you had told me all of this before, I would have skipped all that swimming and would have flown on the fastest jet – to my 50s!

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Except that, since you’ve been gone (a whole 3 days) my dearest 49, I’ve been informed that I need a root canal! NOOOOOOOOOOO! 

I’m 50 and I know it…

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TODAY is D day!!

Thank Goodness because I was getting exhausted from all that swimming! After much rest and partying, I will continue my swim THROUGH my 50s rather than TO my 50s.

I better get the day started because I have to:

*Figure out 50 ways to leave my lover

*Unleash the “inner goddess”
in me and set my “hard limits” thanks to 
50 Shades of Grey.

*I’ve got to figure out WHO the 50th president of the United States is.

*  Watch my 50-5 inch TV

* Remember the 50th episode of Seinfeld

* Listen to Fiddy Cent

* Look through the 50th best asses in the world by, Elite Daily  

http://elitedaily.com/envision/girls/asses-world/

* Say my ABCs, including the 50th letter

* Go 50/50 with you on any lottery winnings today

* Watch the 50  40 Year Old Virgin

* Dream about vacationing in the 50th State

*Not climb the 50th highest mountain in the world, Ismoil Somoni Peak

*Share 50 Scorpion Bowls with my fellow bday buddies like Mark Harmon, Keanu Reeves and… I guess I’ll invite  my husband’s and Andy’s from

http://ourlifein3d.com/

REAL LOVE

Salma Hayek  (a beatch beauty)

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*Dance to Brick House 50 times

And last but not least,

I think I will thank the heavens above for the wonderful life I have and the amazing friends and family I am so blessed with. For my beautiful and loving kids, my ok health and for the opportunity to spend the rest of my life with the man I so adore, who is my everything.

Thank you all for being in my life and for reading my silly words week after week.

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*I’m LMFAO (Laughing My Fifty Fat Ass Off
So Let’s Dance to I’m Fifty Sexy And I Know It
Wiggle WIggle Wiggle!

50 things I will NOT do on my 50th

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50 Things I will NOT do on my 50th:

1.  I will not – NOT cry 

2.  I will not clean

3.  I will not do laundry

4.  I will not make my bed

5.  I will not go running (on that day or ever)

6.  I will not diet

7.  I will not pick up the socks from the floor

8.  I will not – NOT be happy 

9.  I will not feed the children

10.  I will not feed the husband

11.  I will not feed anyone

12.  I will not – NOT embarrass my children 

13.  I will not fake a smile

14.  I will not wear deodorant 

15. I will not put the cap back on the toothpaste tube  

16.  I will most certainly not replace the toilet paper

17. I will not flush

18.  I will not stop humming

19.  I will not wear a bra

20.  I will not get dressed

21.  I will not pay the bills

22.  I will not paint my own nails

23.  I will not stop watching reality tv

24.  I will not cut my carbs –damn it

25.  I will not use PAM instead of butter

26.  I will not hold my gut in

27.  I will not let my vagus nerve control me

28.  I will not use tonic in my gin and tonic

29.  I will not delicately sip my wine

30.  I will not wipe the wet floor after my shower -(if I shower…)

31.  I will not get off the computer

32.  I will not fill the ice tray- again

33.  I will not floss

34.  I will not take my meds

35.  I will not stop dancing

36.  I will not sing in tune

37.  I will not give back rubs

38.  I will not water the dying plant

39.  I will not use a glass when drinking milk

40.  I will not have RA

41.  I will not stop shaking my leg uncontrollably because it annoys my husband.

42.  I will not share the covers

43.  I will not – NOT be first in everything

44.  I will not turn down my cell phone ring tone

45.  I will not flatten my hair

46.  I will not stop eating

47.  I will not stop drooling

48.  I will not stop saying, What?

49.  I will not twerk (on that day only)

50.  I will not feed Ron the fish 

 

There Once Was A Girl Turning 50…In A Few Weeks

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amazon.com

There once was a girl turning fifty

Who thought of herself pretty nifty

She had many friends

And some of them hens

Cackling and laughing all night

She had quite a past she was hiding (not really)

In case they came after her while dining

She acted real tough

Even though things got rough

Cuz that’s how her cookie crumbled

She was full of life

And such the sexy wife

Who kept her man always smiling

She sure did love food

Everything was so damn good

Eating became a real passion

What lay ahead

She scratched her balding head

In the next fifty years to come?

She had a choice

To use her wise voice

And drink herself to oblivion

Ignoring her sagging giant arms

Yet watching them go jiggle jiggle

Multiple chins for her comfort

Which most definitely should be illegal

Life would be fine

With a lot of good wine

So she didn’t really have to worry

Botox was easily accessible

Although transformation – not possible

She looked at her thighs

With an abundance of sighs

But smiled when she saw no cellulite

It was what it was

Que sera sera

She was just going to have to accept it

So she forged on ahead

And went back to bed

Since she could no longer avoid it

She thought about her fate

But then it got very late

And off to slumberland she went 

Excitement grew near

Or was it something in her rear?

And she knew she could no longer wait

Because soon my good friends, she would open

 the next half-century gate 

One Month From Today, I Could Drown or Be Eaten By A Shark

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I have been documenting the swim to my 50’s since March of this year.  So far so good.  A couple of leg cramps here and there and some swallowed salty water along the way but generally speaking, my strokes have been smooth.  I have stayed afloat (sort of) and continue to breathe rhythmically.  Phew!

 Exactly one month from today, the big day will come.  HOLY #%*@!!!  It’s almost here!  The big 5-0.  The day I could…drown or get eaten by a shark.  It’s true. 

The day that the swimming comes to a halt.  On that day, I will either drown and get swallowed up by the immense dark terrifying ocean of the 50’s, or get swallowed up by an immense terrifying Great White of the 50’s.  

There will be no escaping my fate.  If it is to be a shark, it will begin to circle around me a few days before planning its attack.  It might nudge me once or twice.  It will get bolder and take a chunk of my foot.  Then it will circle some more.  It will come back for my leg.  All of it.  Soon it will alert his friends and they will finish me up tugging and jerking me around like a rag doll.  Swallowed up.  The whole half century of my life, Gone.  Now, officially 50.

Or, I could just drown.  Let the ocean swallow me up alive drifting my body and soul towards the next half century of my life.  

But you know what?  I am thinking that I may ask for a life boat.  Even a small raft.  I may tread water, doggy paddle like crazy and stay above water.  Maybe I will take a break from my swim for a bit and party my ass off.  Yea.  That sounds better.  Maybe I will cheer and celebrate like crazy.  This brickhousechick is no quitter, damn it!  She never gives up and she will continue the long distance swim through her 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80′ and beyond.

I will reflect on the past 50 years.  I will remember the tidal waves, tsunamis and shark infested waters I have lived through.  Also the calm beautiful clear waters I encountered, that made my journey a joy.

I think I will play my <a href=”http:/

“>favorite song throughout the whole month and dance like nobody is watching (cervical stenosis or not).

Won’t you join me?

 

OH GOD, not the skirted bathing suit!!!

WARNING:  If you are a man, reading this post may elicit certain… excitement.  Read at your own risk.

thetimeisright.com

thetimeisright.com

Guess what?  It’s summer and I’m almost 50.  Translation:  Must I really get into a bathing suit?  This is the dreaded question we all ask as the days get warmer, the nights get longer, the grills are ‘a cooking and the water is glistening.  Damn, is it that time again?

It’s not like we don’t have 9 months to prepare for this inevitable event.  We know it’s coming.  We can mold and sculpt our bodies in preparation for the big reveal.  But, who the hell wants to do that?

After summer has passed, we welcome the fall with open arms.  We can cover up our skin more, eat apple pie, pumpkin pie, pumpkin ice cream (my fave) and all the other seasonal autumn (starchy) foods.  Then, we gorge during the holidays, to then fail at our new resolutions we set on January 1st and gorge some more to keep warm during the winter months (at least that’s my excuse).

At a blink of an eye, May rolls around and….SH@&*!!!  It’s here again.  Darn Summer.

Don’t get me wrong, I love summer.  Everything about it EXCEPT for the bathing suit part (oh and the mosquitos).

Well, I found myself bathing suit shopping this past weekend.  There were racks upon racks of vibrant shiny sexy wear, for all shapes and sizes.

41zPXTmA8DL._SL246_SX190_CR0,0,190,246_ cameron-diaz-bathing-suit < These two were my favorites.  Especially the patriotic monokini, just in time for July 4th!

You wouldn’t believe the ingenious marketing that takes place to sell these tiny pieces of lycra.  Slenderizing.  Miraclesuit.  Spanx-Slimming.  Contour.  Control Top.  Look 10 lbs slimmer.  Color contrast to give the illusion of slimness.

The sad thing is that I believed it and fell for it.  I marched right over to the fitting room, cart chock full of miracles, to be tried on.  Thank God for the fitting room’s special mirrors they have for our benefit – although my paleness blinded me as I looked to see how the suits looked.  Shoot, I forgot to shave!  I had to pretend that it wasn’t Chewbacca staring back at me.

Boy do I hate this process.  Time and time again you must look at your….flaws as you wiggle your way into the too small of a size suit – because you refuse to believe that you are truly, two sizes larger.  Fun times!

As I struggled with straps, belts, buckles and cups, I yearned for older days.  The days when this was the style:

missstan.com

missstan.com

C1939-SWIMSUITS

fashionera.com

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I was wishing I could find this suit below, so as to scare away any eyes that would decide to wander over to my less than perfect body.  Stay Away! 

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It was looking like this style was fitting me the best= Womens-Elderly-Onepiece-Swimwear_1038_570 After all, look at how happy and carefree and flowy the models look.

I frankly think, the bathing suit that has fit me the absolute BEST throughout  my whole bathing suit career, has been this baby below. Not too tight or loose.  The perfect colors for my skin type and quite flattering, wouldn’t you agree?DSCN4481 - Version 2

Well, I am now not so happy to report that I walked out of the store, the proud owner of not one, not two but three skirted suits. Yes, I said skirted20130617_120049 (God Have Mercy on Me).  Three, because I could not stand looking at myself in the small claustrophobic dressing room mirror any longer and could not decide which lucky suit would come home with me.  

I now get to have a fashion show in the privacy of my own messy room to decide which one, is the winner.  Sigh.

The Swim to My 50s – WTH? What Gives?

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Word has it that as we age, we tend to become more set in our ways.  Or maybe it is the fact that we do not care what the hell others think anymore and are too cranky to change. Whatever the reason, the end result is that we hang on to our routines for dear life because it feels safe and comfortable.

Time seems to be somewhat of an obsession with older folks.  They suffer from an uncontrollable nagging need to know what time it is, what time something begins, what time it ends, what time they need to leave, what time you are picking them up and what time you will be calling. And, even after you have confirmed the designated time at least 70 times, they ask you again.

I get it that our idiosyncrasies are only going to multiply the older we get.  However,  I was under the impression that as we aged, our “silly” fears and phobias would fade away into the night along with our youth and we would become fearless (or is it  the fact that we can no longer see or hear whatever used to scare us?).    

As I approach my 50’s, I am experiencing the opposite to be true.

Back in the 80’s when I worked downtown Boston, I was your typical city slicker commuter (yes, I wore my shiny white Reeboks to walk to the office and then changed into pumps once I arrived).  I lived in the burbs back then and took the commuter rail to and from work.  I spent at least two hours a day (on the good days when there was no train mal-function) on the train.  

I passed those precious commuting hours nodding off, drooling, checking out the cute guys in their suits, eavesdropping on other’s conversations, looking over my shoulder to see what my seat mate was reading – you know, the things one does on trains.  I was a happy, phobia- free train passenger.  The question I have is, what horrible traumatizing event am I repressing that is responsible for my latest phobia?

 I have developed an insane intense fear, of driving over train tracks.  We are talking, rapid heart beat, sweats, the shakes, having to close my eyes, wanting to call my husband to come get me and yelling for my mama to save me!  Just like that.  I now mourn the normal, happily driving over the tracks kind-of-gal I used to be. WTH? What gives?

Just look how intimidating trains can be!

Just look at how intimidating trains can be!    livinglaughinglosing.com

I do not know if the derailment that occurred a couple of years ago on the track I most often cross, is contributing to this phobia.  It’s not like I was on the train when it happened, or on the road.  To make matters worse, the last time I suffered through a cross-over, there was a small train maintenance car whipping by right in front of me on the track, without any warning.  No red lights flashing, gates or bells!   I am trying to deal with this disability…by going 10 miles out of my way to avoid any tracks but one always sneaks up on me.

Then, there is my fear of thunder and lightning to reckon with.  It is not an uncommon fear but for crying out loud, it has gotten worse!  My teens stare at me in disbelief.  They cannot watch their otherwise strong mother, turn into a pathetic being when there is a storm.  For some reason, my words of choice when I hear thunder are, Ay Ay Ay!  I close my eyes, cover my face and Ay Ay Ay throughout the whole storm.   Hearing the crackling sound of lightning hitting something near by, sends me over the edge.  We are talking, call 911.  I have also noticed that as I get older, the Ay Ay Ays… get louder.  Not a pretty sight.  WTH? What gives?

The final phobia I will discuss with you, before you un-follow me because I have completely scared you away, is not being able to touch the restaurant pagers they give you as you wait for your order or table.  No, no and no!  When the nice hostess hands me the pager, I immediately go into my, Don’t you (waving my Spanish pointer finger) be giving me that dirty, filthy, touched by everyone pager that vibrates – mode.  If I must take it, I use a haz mat suit napkin between my hand and the thingy.  If my husband is with me, I make him get contaminated. WTH? What gives?

I have never been a germaphobe and have not minded getting down and dirty (breaking a nail – yes, but not getting dirty).  It now appears that I have developed OCD.  WTH? What gives?  

Like I needed new reasons to dread turning 50.  

BTW, what time is it, what time are we leaving and what time are we getting back?

 

 

 

{A big THANK YOU to everyone who participated in Susie Strong Day}

The Swim to My 50’s – Now, where was I?

I could not do it.  Since the Boston bombings, as I sat to write on my blog, no words would come to me.  Having lived, studied and worked in Boston for many years, I could not stop thinking about the horrible events.  Nothing I wanted to write seemed appropriate enough or worthy of a blog entry.  Everything felt so trivial in comparison to the mayhem in Boston.

How could I write about my silly experiences, stories or events?  It felt disrespectful and selfish discussing my insignificant little life, while so many were suffering.

I have Rheumatoid Arthritis – AND?  At least I have all my limbs and extremities in tact.  Yes, I experience pain on a daily basis – SO?  It is nothing like the excruciating physical and emotional pain felt by the victims of the bombings.

I am going to turn 50 in September.  Really?  That’s my dilemma?

As the days passed and the suspects were still out there, I began to think about the want and longing we all felt  for some sort of normalcy.  We could not wait until the suspects were caught so that we could go back to our routines, as mundane as they may be, and to our little insignificant lives.

Psychologists were advising that parents continue their daily regular schedules with their children, in order to ease their anxiety. None of us could truly get the atrocity of the bombings out of our minds as we grieved for those affected, but we tried to resume our lives because – we had to.

Soon I realized that I had to move forward.  That, as trivial as my life is, it is nevertheless, my life.  Not unlike the lives of many out there.

You see, although major events in our lives can shape us into who we are, it is often the simple routines and experiences that bring us joy and that make us feel blessed.

We all have silly stories to tell and experiences to share.  We do not have to be famous, on a reality show or on the news to be relevant.  Our voices and opinions matter to us and to those who choose to listen.  We enjoy reading about other’s lives and opinions and learn to find the humor in the difficulties we face.

There are atrocities happening every day.  We cannot ignore them or avoid them, but we can show our strength by continuing to live our lives the best we can.

I look forward to sharing more of my silly insignificant stories (like how I got my thunder thighs) with you, on future posts! 🙂