One Month From Today, I Could Drown or Be Eaten By A Shark


I have been documenting the swim to my 50’s since March of this year.  So far so good.  A couple of leg cramps here and there and some swallowed salty water along the way but generally speaking, my strokes have been smooth.  I have stayed afloat (sort of) and continue to breathe rhythmically.  Phew!

 Exactly one month from today, the big day will come.  HOLY #%*@!!!  It’s almost here!  The big 5-0.  The day I could…drown or get eaten by a shark.  It’s true. 

The day that the swimming comes to a halt.  On that day, I will either drown and get swallowed up by the immense dark terrifying ocean of the 50’s, or get swallowed up by an immense terrifying Great White of the 50’s.  

There will be no escaping my fate.  If it is to be a shark, it will begin to circle around me a few days before planning its attack.  It might nudge me once or twice.  It will get bolder and take a chunk of my foot.  Then it will circle some more.  It will come back for my leg.  All of it.  Soon it will alert his friends and they will finish me up tugging and jerking me around like a rag doll.  Swallowed up.  The whole half century of my life, Gone.  Now, officially 50.

Or, I could just drown.  Let the ocean swallow me up alive drifting my body and soul towards the next half century of my life.  

But you know what?  I am thinking that I may ask for a life boat.  Even a small raft.  I may tread water, doggy paddle like crazy and stay above water.  Maybe I will take a break from my swim for a bit and party my ass off.  Yea.  That sounds better.  Maybe I will cheer and celebrate like crazy.  This brickhousechick is no quitter, damn it!  She never gives up and she will continue the long distance swim through her 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80′ and beyond.

I will reflect on the past 50 years.  I will remember the tidal waves, tsunamis and shark infested waters I have lived through.  Also the calm beautiful clear waters I encountered, that made my journey a joy.

I think I will play my <a href=”http:/

“>favorite song throughout the whole month and dance like nobody is watching (cervical stenosis or not).

Won’t you join me?


The Swim To My 50s – dAmN GRa-Vi-ty…


Living with two competitive swimmers in the house, I learned a lot about defying gravity when swimming.  My daughter’s coach always emphasized the importance of body position when swimming. The goal is to avoid gravity from pulling you towards the bottom of the pool!  Did you know that your lungs, full of air, act as a buoy wanting to lift your upper torso to the surface?  Pretty cool, huh?

If only the air in our breasts could defy gravity, we’d be golden!  I have lot’s of air in my breasts (or is it fatty tissue?).  Instead of visiting my cousin (the plastic surgeon), perhaps I could just go to the local gas station and fill my breasts with air!  It’s free, quick, easy and has a minimal recovery time.  I think I’m on to something.

This idea came to me after beginning my exploration of my almost 50-year-old body, from my neck down.  I couldn’t help but focus on the inevitable. Hello down there!  Where did you girls go?  Yes, a wonder bra helps, temporarily, but then what?  This reality is definitely a reminder of my mid-life and something I’m going to have to accept.  On September 2, 2013, they will look exactly the same as they do now. Sigh.

After I recover from this realization, I will resume my inspection of my torso.