Go Ahead Clint, Make My Day

fineartamerica.com

fineartamerica.com

I am headed your way, Dirty Harry.

What are my chances of seeing you?

I know you are 83 years young and still quite the Stud.  I just turned 50 and although I have celebrated ’till the cows came home and back and then home again,  the celebration continues.

This time my husband and I are celebrating both our 50ths (his was last year) and are taking a trip out your way! We leave tomorrow for the week.

I have been in your neck of the woods before, back in 1985. I ate at your old place, Hog’s Breath in Carmel when you were Mayor– but did not bump into you.

It is now 2013 and your life is somewhat of a mess.  I know Dina didn’t behave very well and that reality show was too much for you, but now you are dating the wife of the man Dina is dating?  What’s up with that?

Even though you endorsed Romney for President – I forgave you and still want to see you.  I actually have a couple of favors to ask of you.

Do you think you could show up at the place you own,  Mission Ranch in Carmel this coming Thursday?  A little birdie (my mom) told me that you frequent the Ranch and have been known to play the piano for the crowd.  She has enjoyed hearing you play.  Can you re-arrange your schedule? Yes?  Great, see you there!

The other favor is, could you contact your buddies in Congress and encourage them to re-open the government (maybe you could use the chair trick again?)  We really want to visit a few National Parks while in Monterey and well, our timing stinks.  You surely must have some pull.

poynter.org

poynter.org

I know you are busy with your new love interest and new project directing your version of Jersey Boys in LA, but you need a break.  You need to hang out back up North where I will be.

I am staying with my mom and her wonderful husband right in Monterey and dining and hiking (my husband will do the hiking and me the dining) the Big Sur and in San Francisco.

You being there would just simply, Make My Day.

Why you should NEVER vacation with my husband

dep_10017540-Closed-Sign

The information below has not been altered or recreated and is in fact representative of real life situations experienced by my husband, while vacationing:

We are sorry, this historical monument is CLOSED during renovations.  

Due to a Hurricane 10 years ago, the Rain Forest is  CLOSED.

This natural popular attraction consisting of 220 rare limestone underground caves carved out hundreds of years ago by Taino Indians, which takes 2 hours of curvy roads to get to, is CLOSED for no apparent reason – even though our sign says that we are open 7 days a week from 8 am to 8 pm.

Due to the high rate of crime, you cannot walk around, explore, rent a car or visit any sites around this beautiful vacation destination.

This pristine and natural undeveloped beach is temporarily CLOSED while being torn apart by bulldozers and excavators hired by Hyatt.

Our breathtaking and naturally preserved open space is not open to the public because a huge mall is being built on the premises.

Due to the monsoon predicted on this Mexican Island – that  you are visiting for the first time – we advise that you not rent a mo-ped or…drink the water.

We regret to inform you that our famous coral reefs will not be visible to our tourists because of the ocean pollution consisting of oil slicks, pesticides, garbage, sewage and soil that has settled in the reefs and blocked the sunlight, not only making it impossible to see, but actually killing the corals.  Had you visited this natural wonder earlier in your life, you may have been able to enjoy it.

 And his luck continues:

Even though you have been waiting for 50 years to visit our beautiful State and attractions( California), and are finally getting time off from your very busy work schedule with your sexy recently turned 50-year old wife to visit us, and not to mention the fact that you love historic attractions and earth’s natural wonders AND will be here in a few weeks…

We definitely regret to inform you that due to the inadequacies and idiosyncrasies of our government and the fact that it will most likely NOT be resolved by the time you arrive,

ALL NATIONAL PARKS that you have been chomping at the bits to visit, WILL BE CLOSED.