A Message To My Adult Children

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Look at you both, one about to graduate from college and the other getting ready to study abroad for a year.  You must be so proud of what you have accomplished thus far and pleased to see where your hard work has taken you.  It hasn’t always been easy but you have persevered thanks to your evolving maturity and strong values.

There is nothing more rewarding as a parent, than to watch your children thrive and become caring and happy adults.  This is what your father and I have always wanted for you and will continue to want in the years to come.

You have heard the same messages from both of us from a very young age.  Scatter kindness.  Be compassionate.  Empathize.  Help those in need. As annoying as those messages may seem,  as you continue to grow, I can only hope that they become second nature.

My message to you as you embrace the next stage of your young life, is to strive to become the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.  You may reach your career goals and feel you are succeeding but as your mother I can tell you with certainty, that true success is measured by your  integrity and kindness towards others.  Nothing else comes even close.

Go out there, always remembering what is most important.  Treat others with respect, put yourself in others’ shoes, imagine what someone may be going through, give them the benefit of the doubt and think with your heart, always.  Success and happiness will follow when you truly love yourself and can share that love with those around you.

Be open-minded.  Embrace the differences in others.  Be flexible and willing to try new things even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone.  Absorb the experiences fully because they all count in ultimately making you the person you will become.

Be proud of your heritage and your culture.  Don’t be afraid to share all parts of yourself to others.  Never feel shame for what you are or where you come from, instead, be the good example of your race and ethnicity to combat the unfair judgements and misunderstandings others have formed.  You have watched me embrace the pride in my culture and raise my head up high when discriminated against.  You are half Puerto Rican, it is a part of you, carry that part of you proudly through out your life.

Life is not fair.  Bad things will happen.  Things will not go as planned and life will be cruel at times.  You will hurt and feel undeserving of such struggles and wonder how you will survive them.  I can’t protect you from the obstacles you will face and may not be able to make them go away, but I will always be there to listen and most importantly, to model and illustrate the coping mechanisms I have learned throughout my life when dealing with adversity.

You have both observed me struggle with my health issues and have seen how I have been able to move forward, in spite of them.  You have watched me refuse to be a victim of my circumstances and steer you away from blaming others for your pain.

Your father has been the example of what having integrity looks like.  An honest, compassionate man who has sacrificed his needs for all of us.  Always willing to give of himself to make us happy all while demonstrating and balancing his extraordinary work ethic.  A man who never tires of doing for others in the community and who has made a significant impact on others’ lives.

My beautiful children,  I carry you both in my heart, always.  I wish you only the best as you face, head on, your new experiences.  I hope that there is always room in your hearts for your father and I and for the beliefs  we have instilled in you.    

No one else in this world loves you more. 

 

Mom

 

 

 

Pain, Flowers & Adult Children Back Home

healthylifestyle website

healthylifestyle website

Las month was a busy one.  It has been 20 days since my last post when I told you all about my dilemma with medicinal marijuana.  I have since been approved as a patient and will be receiving my official medical id in the mail soon.  Then, it is a matter of waiting for dispensaries to open up in the area.  Sigh.

I have not felt this bad in years.  Because one of the medications I have taken for the past couple of years comes with too many risks, I had to stop taking it.  I did not realize how much it was helping me until I had to stop.  Sigh again.

Walking in excruciating pain has become the norm, never mind trying to exercise.  My joints are fiery red and angry and are behaving like total @@@holes (sighs again and swears a lot in Spanish).

All I can do in the meantime is thank the heavens above for wine.

One thing that has brought joy to my life has been the flowers in our gardens. My son has always told my husband and I that the day he sees us sitting inside looking out the window watching the birds and flowers, is the day we have officially become old.  I am afraid that day has come.  I just love it when the flowers are in full bloom and hey, look at that birdie outside...  Yea.  Who knew peonies could be so…orgasmic.

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The other pastime I enjoyed this past month was spending time with my babies (ages 21 & 19) while they were home from college.  They have since left the nest once again for their summer jobs away.  My son is enjoying being a Community Service Officer on an island near the coast.  He is living in an old coast guard barracks with the other CSOs with no TV and no WiFi.  I think I would die.  He has to shine his shoes, press his uniform and shave every morning before reporting to duty – bike duty.  He is looking forward to this new experience which should help him decide if a career in law enforcement is for him.

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Brickhouse-daughter is at a location which, as I write this, is under a tornado watch.  Like her brother, she does not have WiFi so I am not able to check in on her to make sure she is still alive.  She is up in the mountains training to be a swim instructor and camp counselor at a very nice 6-week sleep-away camp.  She gets to share a cabin with fifteen 11 year-olds.  Bless their souls.  She is excited about this experience which will help her decide if a career with children is for her.

smosh.com

smosh.com

I have to say that while they were home, I learned a few new things about the life of empty nesters and got a glance at what a relationship with adult children can look like.

I learned that:

  •   It is now somewhat safe to fess-up to my adult children about all the wild and crazy things I did in my youth, without fearing that they will do what I did.  I do not know what inspired me to do so but they found some of my tales amusing and may have even thought of their mom as “cool” (I’m projecting here).
  •   They are now capable of offering real actual sound advice!  For real.  It is thrilling to see this kind of role-reversal where they respectfully (yes, I said respectfully) offer their views and wisdom to situations Mr. B and I may be facing.  It is almost freaky, I have to admit.

  •   As mature as they now are, listening to me hum show tunes all day long, still annoys the hell out of them.

More importantly, I learned that:

  •    Intimacy and love-making are non existent, when the kids are home from college (it is way easier when they are little and have no idea what is going on.)  I did not realize how quickly a woman’s brain can switch from thinking she is a wild, uninhibited sexy (gotta have it) goddess, to being a prudish, asexual (stay away from me) Mother Superior of a convent, Mama.

Who knew?