A special delivery

Here is a SWEET post from my wonderful amiga, Jill. Glad my silliness made a bad day a little bit better. Gracias, Jill! xo

Jill Weatherholt

Photo courtesy of Wikipedia.com Photo courtesy of Wikipedia.com Recently, I was having a really bad day. I hadn’t slept well and the moment my feet hit the floor at 4:30 a.m., nothing went my way.

The first thing I do each morning is go downstairs and turn on the coffee maker. Although it’s programmable, going up and down the stairs helps me to wake up. I turned on the machine and headed back upstairs to get dressed.

A few minutes later, the aroma of the freshly percolated coffee wafted up the stairs. I scurried downstairs for that all important first cup of coffee. Unfortunately, my first cup, along with the entire pot, covered the counter top and the floor. Coffee was everywhere, except in my mug. There wasn’t one drop that had made it inside the pot.

By the time I cleaned up the mess, I was late. I was forced to leave the…

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Support My Aching Feet: Enter the To Live Forever Contest.

The Accidental Cootchie Mama

By the time you read this, I will be walking. Maybe I’ll be through one mile or several. I might already be done for the day. My first fifteen miles on the Natchez Trace from Natchez, MS to Nashville, TN.

I’ll be posting daily, with posts going live at 8:30am EST. Unless I have a ton to say, I’m going to limit my posts to once a day. Please forgive me if the posts run a little longer than normal. Wherever possible, I’ll include links to the following places: Tumblr (for a collection of daily photos); YouTube (for a reader question of the day); other sites (where I may be featured); Twitter, Facebook and Google+ (for random thoughts). If this is all so scintillating that you want to bookmark those now, each highlighted service contains a link.

Today is also the official launch day of my new novel! You…

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Long Long Ago, When I Was a Happy Me

As promised, every month I will be changing up my WordPress Theme just to mix it up in an attempt to get out of these damn depressing winter blahs!  I hope you have a foot fetish and like looking at my feet.  If not, too bad (yes, I am very cranky.)

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And that above, is why.

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Depressed Me

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More Depressed Me

I have never ever hibernated as much as I have this winter.  We’re talking not going out of the house for days! I can’t handle it.  My Spanish blood has gotten thinner and wimpier since I turned 50.  It used to endure harsh winters back in the day (for one day) but now, Fuhgeddaboutit!     And to make matters worse, unlike  BEARS, I continue to eat through my hibernation.  

{Insert big swear sigh here}

To me, there is absolutely undeniably NO need for winter.  No USE, no ADVANTAGE, no BENEFIT, no FUN &  no NADA.  I don’t care what you say to try to convince me otherwise because

WINTER = CACA MISERY!!

All I can do is daydream about sunny, breezy, warm and relaxing days with a cool drink or four in my hand.  

That is happiness.   

So Take THAT Polar Vortex!

Happy F****** February 1st!

The Wal-Mart Christmas Musical

Peg @ Peg-o-Leg’s Ramblings is hilarious describing The Wal-Mart Christmas Musical! You have got to read this!

Peg-o-Leg's Ramblings

Art lovers like to revisit their holiday favorites at this time of year.  Ballet enthusiasts flock to The Nutcracker and classical music lovers go to Handel’s Messiah.

Me?  I’m a musical theater buff.  Last weekend I caught my favorite show – perhaps you’ve seen it?  If not, there’s just one more week for you to catch a local performance of this holiday classic…

The Wal-Mart Christmas Musical

The entire play takes place in a Super Wal-Mart.  It is Sunday afternoon during the busy, holiday shopping season.

Here’s the story in a nutshell:  Our heroine is a young ingenue who looks almost exactly like me.    She has been sprinkled with holiday cheer fairy dust and sent on a quest in the Land of Wal-Mart.  She must find another strand of the same brand of lights she bought last year, to finish the string dangling 1 foot short of the bottom…

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Comes Home A Young Man

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He is born one month early, a bit underweight.  His eyes are wide open, his apgar score an 8.

A content precious infant,  sleeping away.  Cries only heard when he needs us, smiles and giggles most every day.

Belly is filled with oodles of love, legs try to bounce and hop.  Curiosity takes over his hungry mind, questions bombarding non stop.

Wants to be just like his daddy, but adores his mom just the same.  School is a new adventure as he starts to “play the game”.

Bathroom words are hilarious, he can’t stop reciting them at bay.  As parents we try to be serious but laugh because, what can we say?

Balls, swords and bikes are a plenty, as he figures it out on his own.  Soon the pimples start showing and maybe even a broken bone.

Deodorant is a blessing in a house that is quite small, dirty socks on the table, underwear in the hall.

Car keys go missing and worries increase, he prefers his friends now and tries hard to please.

Twelve years of school soon come to an end.  Who is this young boy graduating, wasn’t he just ten?

The time has now come, to leave the cozy nest.  College is upon him and all of the rest.  He leaves apprehensive, anticipation is high.  He loves his family but it is time to say goodbye.

His parents and sister mourn his sweet presence, dinners are quieter, dirty socks missing.   He appreciates his family and becomes their biggest fan.

He leaves as a teen and comes home a young man.

Big Sur, Gourmet Fluff, Broken Toes, Quacking &Squeezed Nipples

WordPress Issues – Apologies for reblog

brickhousechick

(Final post of three of my California trip. See post #1 here and #2 here)

When my mother and her husband go out to eat, which is often, they like to dine at the finest restaurants.  And why not?  They worked hard all their lives and are now enjoying their mid 70’s.  This trip, was no exception.  They set out to treat us to the best restaurants in Monterey and Carmel.

No, Friendly’s & Applebees are not on their list!  Needless to say,  I have gained another 15 pounds making a total of 25 pounds since I turned 50!  Or so my clothes say…

Going Gluten-Free went right down the drain and into the Pacific Ocean.

From Caviar

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To Warm Chocolate Cake with Pumpkin Ice Cream & Gourmet Fluff20131018_145809_resized

Ahhh…heavenly!

To top it all, they never allow us to pay.  One day my husband had to…

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Too Much Birthday

amazon.com

amazon.com

I hear you, Sister Bear Berenstain!

You were just watching as Papa cut down a tree in the woods of Bear Country with Mama and Brother, when you noticed the peculiar rings around the tree stump.  After asking Papa what the rings were, he went into a long explanation about the meaning of the rings and how they tell us the age of the tree.  

NEXT THING YOU KNOW, YOU ARE HAVING A HUGE 6TH BIRTHDAY BASH!

All your Bear friends showed up and even some of Brother’s friends.  Then, while playing spin the bottle (which by the way, is a little too risqué for a 6-year-old, don’t ya think?), the bottle pointed at you and you only kissed Brother because you were too shy (as a 6-year-old should be) and so his friends made fun of you!

And, not to mention the big surprise Papa had for you outside!  A carousel?  What the heck was Papa thinking?  He didn’t even check with Mama who is obviously the boss, before booking it!

Of course you were wailing, Oh Sister Bear!  It was way too overwhelming.  Simply,

Too Much Birthday!

The truth is I am overwhelmed with the outpouring of love and attention I received for my birthday!  I didn’t wail like Sister did, but I cried many tears of joy.

I also became quite tired of myself.  That’s when you know you have had too much birthday – when you can’t even stand yourself any longer.  Not to mention how many cakes I have eaten. 🙂

The all-girls week at the beach was incredible as was the party my friend had for me last weekend!  Unbelievable!  The only way to tell you about it is through pictures.  I hope they capture how much fun I had and how very fortunate I am.

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Beautiful day at the beach mid-Sept with the cousins.

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Brother in Law’s beautiful home  which hosted the cousin’s reunion.

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Mimosas Galore!

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I was treated to this amazing dinner – those are fried oysters! Thank you to all my cousins – Marias

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37th cake eaten

We would have eaten these two turkeys that walked through our yard also it we weren't so full!

We would have eaten these two turkeys that walked through the yard had we not been so “stuffed”!

Then, there was the other party.

Invitation Cover made by my friend's daughter

Invitation cover made by my friend’s daughter

One of my great friends had the idea to have all the ladies put on red lipstick in my honor (since I never leave home without mine on), so when I walked in the door this is what I was greeted by:

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A little freaky I know, but I am only authorized to show feet and lips on this post (and a few hands).

Delish food and champagne

Delish Food and Champagne

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Then my dear readers, there were the presents!

Beautiful Roses & Wine

Beautiful Roses & Wine

The most beautiful Rosary bead I have ever seen!

The most eclectic Rosary Beads I have ever seen! Thanks Mami (If only it came with directions…)

Coach & More Alex & Ani, thanks to my Sis

Chocolates, Coach bags & More Alex & Ani (thanks Sis)

Beautiful cheetah-print sweater. ROAR!

Beautiful cheetah-print sweater. ROAR!

Products all the way from the Blue Lagoon, Iceland. Thanks cuz.

Products all the way from the Blue Lagoon, Iceland. Thanks, Cuz.

A donation to the Arthritis Foundation on my behalf! Wow!  Thanks, Mama.

A donation to the Arthritis Foundation in my honor! Wow! Thanks, “Mama”.

Grapefruit Vodka with grapefruit seltzer from my fav Gremlin Food Mamahttp://gremlinfoodmom.blogspot.com/  check out her blog!

Grapefruit Vodka with grapefruit seltzer from my fav Gremlin Food Mama http://gremlinfoodmom.blogspot.com/ check out her blog!

A framed copy of one of my blog posts, which was published in the newspaper, what a thoughtful gift! 

And the most amazing present EVERY 50 year-old chick MUST have, given to me by my awesome “sweats as much as I do twin”!  

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We are talking, Hot Girl’s Pearls.  “Global Cooling, One Woman at a Time”!

I kid you not.  You place these wonderful pearls (I like to call them my balls) in the freezer and then put them on and voila!  Your hot flashes – or just hotness will freeze away!  Swish!  Not your hotness as in you are “hot”, but your miserable type of hotness.  And, I even got the black and white polka dot “sac” for my balls – so I can travel with them.  Hello???!!

Here I am "modeling" the pearls. LOL

Here I am “modeling” the pearls. LOL

So as you can see, I had way Too Much Birthday (as per  my hubby when he said, “Ok, your birthday needs to end, now”.)  But boy what a ride it has been!  Almost as good as riding in Sister’s carousel!

I guess 50 does Rock!

I guess 50 does Rock!

Since You’ve Been Gone, Oh 49 – I’ve…

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*Devoured the most succulent juicy and fat cheeseburger with bun and all.  Can I tell you that this must be what being in heaven is like.  I can die today and be the happiest dead 50-year-old!

*Congratulated Diana Nyad on her epic swim which occurred on the same day that I reached my destination (my 50s)!  Her swim (not unlike my swim), should be an inspiration to all to never give up!

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*Enjoyed the most beautiful exotic orchid I have ever seen – it being a birthday gift from an amazing and dear friend.

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*Had to pee a lot.  Nobody warned me that 50 meant wee wee!!

*Found out that I am a Rabbit, while eating at a new chinese restaurant.  

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And enjoyed their killer Mai Tai!

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*Tricked my family and friends and put fake piercings all over my face – including a bull ring in my nose!  They looked so real – I highly recommend doing this.  It was interesting to see their reaction and how uncomfortable they felt to even look at me.  My poor mom thought I had finally fallen off the edge and was ready to hospitalize me. LOL.

*Blown out a lot of candles:

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*Received my first Alex and Ani bracelet from my beautiful daughter!  It’s the Mom one. 🙂

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*Gotten myself a new giant piece (age 50 and over)  jigsaw puzzle.

*Sang at the top of my lungs – while using the facilities.

*Received a SPECIAL “gift” from another dear friend that I cannot really talk about.  Just trust me, it will help with my RA.

*Gotten lot’s of kisses and hugs and lovin’ from  wonderful people.

I leave this weekend for a girl’s getaway with 3 other crazy Latinas and then the following Sat “an event”  is taking place in my honor.

If you had told me all of this before, I would have skipped all that swimming and would have flown on the fastest jet – to my 50s!

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Except that, since you’ve been gone (a whole 3 days) my dearest 49, I’ve been informed that I need a root canal! NOOOOOOOOOOO! 

I’m 50 and I know it…

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TODAY is D day!!

Thank Goodness because I was getting exhausted from all that swimming! After much rest and partying, I will continue my swim THROUGH my 50s rather than TO my 50s.

I better get the day started because I have to:

*Figure out 50 ways to leave my lover

*Unleash the “inner goddess”
in me and set my “hard limits” thanks to 
50 Shades of Grey.

*I’ve got to figure out WHO the 50th president of the United States is.

*  Watch my 50-5 inch TV

* Remember the 50th episode of Seinfeld

* Listen to Fiddy Cent

* Look through the 50th best asses in the world by, Elite Daily  

http://elitedaily.com/envision/girls/asses-world/

* Say my ABCs, including the 50th letter

* Go 50/50 with you on any lottery winnings today

* Watch the 50  40 Year Old Virgin

* Dream about vacationing in the 50th State

*Not climb the 50th highest mountain in the world, Ismoil Somoni Peak

*Share 50 Scorpion Bowls with my fellow bday buddies like Mark Harmon, Keanu Reeves and… I guess I’ll invite  my husband’s and Andy’s from

http://ourlifein3d.com/

REAL LOVE

Salma Hayek  (a beatch beauty)

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*Dance to Brick House 50 times

And last but not least,

I think I will thank the heavens above for the wonderful life I have and the amazing friends and family I am so blessed with. For my beautiful and loving kids, my ok health and for the opportunity to spend the rest of my life with the man I so adore, who is my everything.

Thank you all for being in my life and for reading my silly words week after week.

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*I’m LMFAO (Laughing My Fifty Fat Ass Off
So Let’s Dance to I’m Fifty Sexy And I Know It
Wiggle WIggle Wiggle!