WE HAVE A WEEEEEENER! Results of Spanish Mid-Term Exam

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You can all relax and get rid of that Test Anxiety now.  My exams are meant to be fun with NO PRESSURE!

As Juan Pablo from The Bachelor says, Eeez-OKay!

Many of JU answered correctly BUT did NOT identify yourselves so I could not include you in the running for the Prize!

Muy Triste...

Muy Triste…

Here are some of your answers:

1.  Dame el clicky-clicky, din-bat –

El Guapo (the biggest sinverguenza around) :  You will never get the remote control from me, friend!

The Guat:  I’m in charge and we’re watching Sabado Gigante, so hand it over!

Unidentified (Is this you, Jaklumen? Shelley?):  Aquí lo va, I mean, here you go.  Entiendes, pues no soy din bat.

*******

2.  Tengo espinaca entre mis dientes?

Two of JU voted for:  There is an espadrille in my dentures

El Guapo:  Yes but the spinach in your teeth brings out the color of your eyes.

The Guat: I can’t be smiling at el Chico en apartamento 512 because I got spinach in my grill.

Unidentified:  No.  You only have cilantro between your teeth.  Que rico, no?

*******

3.   El perro comió muchas quesadillas derretidas y después tuvo un transito intestinal muy grande.

El Guapo:  Sure, blame it on the dog

Piper:  The dog eats lots of melted quesadillas and has a massive poo!

The Guat:  Our dog needs some Sal De Uvas, he got into the kitchen and ate my lunch.

Unidentified:  Yeah, and that caca huele mucho, too.  What a stinker.

**This whole exercise just proves once again, that we never really grow up and still love bathroom words!

Now let’s get to the Weeeeener!

This blogger not only got all the answers correctly, but he/she FOLLOWED directions and included his/her name!  Woot!  Woot!

SnowWhiteClapping

 The Weeener is a very talented and devoted writer who is committed to her goals.  She is a brickhouse in that she, while facing health issues, continues to enjoy life and remains positive!  I have a lot in common with the Weener.  Like me, she loves to do jigsaw puzzles, takes yucky medications, can barely draw a stick figure and loves to pinch chocolates to make sure they don’t have the gross stuff inside.  She suffers from PTSD because of a horrible Spanish teacher (not me) who used to humiliate her in class, so her TEST ANXIETY was high for this.  

And the Weener is:

JILL WEATHERHOLT!!

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Jill, I will email you to get your address so you can receive the Surprise Spanish Package!!

*Honorable Mention: Inspiretheworld2day who got the second highest grade.

Hasta Luego Amigos!

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MÁS Español (Spanish Lesson Numero Tres) – SEXO

puzzleclopedia.com

puzzleclopedia.com

BUENOS DIAS MIS ESTUDIANTES!

I hope you have been practicing what you learned in lección numero Uno and lección numero DOS.  If you haven’t, head back over there so you can review before the mid-term exam coming up!

A while back, I wrote a post about euphemisms used to describe the act of making love:

Heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from another you’ve been “messing around”

There are some doozies out there like, Roasting the Broomstick,  but this is a SPANISH lesson and you need to know your euphemisms en Español!  

After all,  SEXO is the UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE.

*****WARNING : Mature Subject Matter*****

Let’s Begin:

“TO MAKE LOVE”

(I don’t mean let’s begin to actually make love, I mean let’s begin with the euphemisms used to describe making love)

1.  Voulez Vou Coucher Avec Moi  – Ay lo siento, this is French – oops!

2.  Mojar el bizcocho – wet the cake

3.  Derritir la quesadilla – melt the quesadilla

4.  Bajar la caña  – lower the sugar cane

5.  Ponerle la peluca al perro – putting the wig on the dog

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“MISCELLANEOUS WORDS”

1.  Incremento NegativoSHRinkage

2.  El lugar donde la espalda pierde su honesto nombre (the place where the back loses its respectable name) — buttocks

3.  Mujer pública – prostitute

4.  Albondigas (meatballs) – testicles

yummly.com

yummly.com

5.  La Cotorra (parrot) – a woman’s private lower parts

6.  Ganso (goose) – a man’s private part

repmanblog.com

repmanblog.com

*EXTRA CREDIT:

*Tránsito intestinal – bowel movement

*****************************

 There will be a MID TERM EXAM on lessons 1-3  on February 28, 2014 (Seriously)                          

Make sure to STUDY all three lessons because the estudiante with the highest grade will win a REAL prize!  

*Details to follow

Don’t forget to rrrrrroll those RRRRRRRRRRRRRRs!

 *May your weekend be filled with MUCHOS Bizcochos & Quesadillas

depositphotos.com

depositphotos.com

depositphotos_12138996-Cheese-quesadillas

depositphotos

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Más Español (Spanish Lesson Numero Dos) – How to Get Published

google.com

google.com

Apúrate, Apúrate!

My Spanish class is filling up quicker than my Depends pad – which means it’s overflowing with students chomping at the bits to enroll in this one of a kind state of the art educational and entertaining program.

This is why I have extended the enrollment period and added 500 new slots.  As per the high demand, I wanted to make sure I don’t leave any of you out from experiencing this unique set of lessons.

Here is another preview of the type of pertinent information you will learn to say, en Español .

How to plug your book to an agent

1.  At a Writer’s Conference:  Hola agente, no pierda su tiempo con estas personas inútiles, yo soy la mejor autora aquí’, duh. = Hello agent, don’t waste your time with these useless people; I am the best author here, duh.

2.  While giving your pitch:  Tengo espinaca entre mis dientes?  = Do I have spinach stuck in my teeth?

randomlyedible.com

randomlyedible.com

3.  Mire que lindo es el papel que yo usé para escribir mi manuscrito, me dará puntos por eso?  = Look at this pretty paper I used for my manuscript, do I get points for that?

dreamstime.com

dreamstime.com

4.  El género literario de mi libro es una combinación de erotica mezclada con ciencia ficción con un poco de poesía e misterio y autobiografía.  Si no le gusta, vayase p’al carajo = My book genre is a combination of erotica mixed in with science-fiction with a tad of poetry, mystery and autobiography.  If you don’t like it, go to hell.

Bonus Random Lesson:

Justin Bieber, que tipo de producto de pelo tu usas?  Justin Beiber, what type of hair product do you use?

Stay tuned for Lección Número: 

google.com

google.com

“Noe H-ablow Es-panole” – A Spanish Lesson

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Unless you have been living under a rock (which would be nice, wouldn’t it?), you have heard that Spanish, is the second most used language in the U.S.

According to pewresearch.org, “Spanish is by far the most spoken non-English language in the U.S. today among people ages 5 and older. It is also one of the fastest-growing, with the number of speakers up 233% since 1980, when there were 11 million Spanish speakers.”

Bottom Line:  Andale, Andale people!  Get with the programa!

Your choices are to dust off that high school Spanish textbook,  invest in Rosetta Stone or (the better option) enroll in brickhousechick’s Spanish Lesson/s.  (Depending on the enrollment numbers, more lessons will be taught in future posts.)

This first lesson costs no dinero – because I love you all.  Let’s get started:

*  I will phonetically spell the words out to help you with pronunciation

(because I am muy bonita)

1.  Useful Spanish words to say in your casa with your familia:

* Cayatey la bowka, e-diotah! – Cayate la boca, idiota! = Shut your mouth, idiot!

* Feyo esposo/a,  da-mey me coemeedah a-aura!Feo esposo/a,  dame mi comida ahora! =  Ugly spouse, give me my food now!

* Dah-may el clicky-clicky, din-bat! – Dame el clicky-clicky, din-bat! = Give me the remote you dingbat!

* Noe voy a sahkar la malldeetah ba-soorah – No voy a sacar la maldita basura! = I’m not taking the damn trash out! 

morguefile

morguefile

   Muy bien, amigos.  Your pronunciation was excelente.  Take a 5 minute siesta or go drink a cold cerveza and come right back.  I will be waiting.

All set?  Vamos!

2.  Useful Spanish words to say while at the DMV:

take-number-9858879

* May goose-tarhea raynovar me leeciencia, por fa-vore –Me gustaría renovar mi liciencia, por favor. = I would like to renew my license, please.

*Ohyay Saynore bagow kay noe teeanay oh-trah veedah e ah kien lay enkantah estar en controll, coemow kay es-tah ventahnah estah ser-ada? – Oye, Señor bago que no tiene otra vida y al quien le encanta estar en control, como que esta ventana esta cerrada?  =  Listen, lazy guy who has no life and loves to be in control, what do you mean this window is closed?

*Porkay daymonios estan towdos los emplayahdos  almor-sandoe à la meesmah vez? – Por que demonios están todos los empleados almorzando à la misma vez? = Why the hell are all the employees at lunch at the same time?

Fabuloso!  

You all did a great job repeating the phrases.  Before you know it, you will be one of  406 million people speaking this all-important language.

Enrollment is now open.

How to Maste-rrr & E-speek the English Language

‘Sanks-God’ that I learned English at the age of 9.  The earlier you can learn a second language the better.  

Some of the known benefits of starting early include, getting higher standardized test scores (didn’t experience that benefit), higher confidence (ok, yes), flexing and exercising your brain muscles to give you a significantly larger density of grey matter (is that what’s clogging up my brain?) and developing a more natural native-like sounding accent.

In other words, if Spanish is your first language, learning English at an early age will ensure that you do not sound like Gloria from Modern Family or Jack Black in Nacho Libre.

I have developed a list of situations to avoid should you be one of the wonderful native Spanish speakers who did not get the opportunity to master the English language early-enough.  I sanks my mother for inspiring me to come up with this list.

1.  When attending church services, whatever you do, do not wish anyone any kind of peace.  No matter how much you try and how slowly you speak, you are going to end up wishing them, piss on earth.  When others shake your hand to say, Peace Be With You, simply reply by saying, You too.

2.  Never tell anyone if you have seen the movie, Meet the Fockers. Do not attempt to repeat the title.  Just tell them you saw the movie with Robert De Niro and Ben Stiller.

3.  When shopping for linens, make sure you know the store well.  Know what aisle everything is in so as to avoid having to ask an employee where anything is.  Particularly the bed shits.

4. When speaking, in general, try to smile as much as possible.  Even though you may be in a perfectly good mood, others might interpret your pronunciation of every single vowel to have an…angry tone. Perhaps the fact that you are yelling, might contribute to this misconception.

5.  If a storm is coming, particularly the windy rainy type of storm, do NOT refer to the actual name used to describe such storm.  Just say, a windy storm.  Otherwise, people might think you are forcing them to hugh-rry up.  In other words, do not tell your neighbors to run to the store to stock up on canned goods in preparation for the Hugh-rry-cane.

6.  There is no E in the word Spain.  Only one, in the word Speak.  Definitely only two, in the word Sleep. I know it is difficult to                  ‘e-stay’ on track with this rule, but try just saying the Sssss sound without that E.

The final and most important item on this list:

7.  Forrrrrr-get  all  about  de  list  above, and  e-say  whatever  ju  wan  tu  e-say.  Be  proud dat  ju  no  tuu  lan-guajes  and  make  de  oderrr  pipol  have  tu  under-e-stand  ju.   Ju  are who  ju  are.

Piss Be With Ju All.