How Nothing About My Body Is On Fleek And Why I Don’t Give A Flying Fleek

on-fleek-copy4

Is it me or is the phrase, on fleek annoying as hell?  Have you heard it used before?  Perfectly groomed?  Exactly right? On point?  Pftttt!  Like we need another reason to feel self-conscious and critical about our bodies.  As hard as it is to admit that my body is anything but on fleek,  it’s high time I not give a flying fleek! .

Since eyebrows seem to be the most popular recipients of the on fleek definition, let’s start with my 52-year-old eyebrows.  These babies have witnessed a lot of drama over the years and quite honestly, are suffering from PTSD.   The number of times they’ve had to rise, furrow, lower and endure hair pulling when things got real, is absurd.  As a result, they are thinning, graying, tiring and more appropriately described as being, On Meek! 

If facial hair on women were ever to be hip, my mustache would be so on fleek.  It would be my upper lip you would see first when googling images of on fleek mustaches on women.  No amount of waxing, extracting, bleaching, shaving or pulling have put a dent on my stache.  It’s time I let go of my fantasy of having no mustache ever, and accept my hairy, sun damaged, brown spotted upper lip, once and for all.  Frankly, I’m okay with calling my upper lip, On freak!

Sadly, when hanging around the house braless, it is clear that my boobs are, (Not)On Peak!  If I am sitting down relaxing, I notice that my girls end up resting on my ever expanding stomach. I’m not talking they brush up gently against my belly, I’m talking they nestle comfortably on my belly like peacefully sleeping (twin) infants.  (Sigh,  this is a tough one to not give a flying fleek about).

Have you heard about contouring with makeup? You know, when you use make up to make imaginary lines on your body to give the illusion of thinner lines by shading in areas and highlighting your assets?  Well,  I don’t contour my toes or arms (wierd!) but, to address a few facial issues making my face not on fleek, a little experimenting is doing wonders On(my)Cheek and that’s good enough for me.

For obvious reasons, I’ve learned never to go underwear shopping with my 20-year-old daughter, ever again.   As she sorts through the baskets of frilly and delicate thongs, her mama is looking in the camping section for large tents. The nylon kind that don’t need poles to stay up but instead, have a huge elastic band to accommodate the “curves”.  Oh, for crying out loud, my undies are definitely, On Geek!

I remember back in the day when I looked cute and somewhat sexy before going to bed.  Now, I get totally naked, turn on the air conditioner, place a fan directly on my face and leave one leg hanging off the side of the bed, uncovered.  I make sure my husband does not touch me because he generates too much heat.  In spite of all my efforts, I still get sweaty.  Thus when in bed I would say that I am, On Reek! 

I could go on and on but I will spare you the scary details. 

The truth is that as my body ages, I will undoubtedly continue to describe these imperfections for all to enjoy, but when I do, it will be with acceptance, humor and even pride.  Pride because I have earned every single flaw on my body by living a full life filled with food joy, drinks  love, meaningful parties  relationships and determination to be happy in spite of the diets obstacles I have faced.

Won’t you join me in saying no to perfection and not giving a flying fleek?

 

 

36 thoughts on “How Nothing About My Body Is On Fleek And Why I Don’t Give A Flying Fleek

  1. Hepa Mujer!!, I LOOOOOOVE this! Love, live, love this! You have me rolling with “my mustache would be so on fleek” duuuuuuuude. How I have missed you girl. You know over here in my neck of the woods we don’t use fleek or at least I haven’t heard it, but I imagine hearing it over and over again would drive me crazy. But you definitely brought a smile to my face I’m stil in my early 40s but I know the aging is getting to me as I’m moving slower and my knees are feeling all the sports I ised to do. Ben Gay or Tiger Balm are a part of my life now. 🙂 ha! That should be the title for my next piece 🙂 good to see you Chica. I’m still recovering from Juanga’s passing. Crazy shock, even wrote a post about him 🙂 but other than that I’m still chugging along 🙂

    Like

  2. *shrugs* I’ve seen pics of you. I think you’re beautiful. You have a beautiful spirit, and I also adore your sense of humour. BUT…I think you need to do what makes life work for you, and you’re totally doing that – your attitude is spot on.

    Like

  3. I’m trying real hard not to give a fleek! I go back and forth between not caring and crying in my closet… this is hilarious and reminded me to keep a sense of humor about it all. So next time, instead of crying I’ll be laughing at none of my clothes fitting!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You may or may not be on freek . . . on geek . . . on reek . . . on peak . . . on freak . . . on cheek . . . or on meek . . . but you are so on point!

    You go, girl!

    (P.S. Happy Tent Shopping)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is the very first time I’ve encountered “on fleek” as a feature of the English language, but then, I don’t have a 20 year old offspring in my vicinty. Eyebrows – mine have begun to sprout random crazies, inches long monsters that defy all control. As for not giving a fleek, I submit the following for consideration:

    When I am an old woman I shall wear purple
    With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
    And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves
    And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
    I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired
    And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells
    And run my stick along the public railings
    And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

    From: “Warning” by Jenny Joseph

    Like

Let it all hang out...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s