A Message To My Adult Children

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Look at you both, one about to graduate from college and the other getting ready to study abroad for a year.  You must be so proud of what you have accomplished thus far and pleased to see where your hard work has taken you.  It hasn’t always been easy but you have persevered thanks to your evolving maturity and strong values.

There is nothing more rewarding as a parent, than to watch your children thrive and become caring and happy adults.  This is what your father and I have always wanted for you and will continue to want in the years to come.

You have heard the same messages from both of us from a very young age.  Scatter kindness.  Be compassionate.  Empathize.  Help those in need. As annoying as those messages may seem,  as you continue to grow, I can only hope that they become second nature.

My message to you as you embrace the next stage of your young life, is to strive to become the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.  You may reach your career goals and feel you are succeeding but as your mother I can tell you with certainty, that true success is measured by your  integrity and kindness towards others.  Nothing else comes even close.

Go out there, always remembering what is most important.  Treat others with respect, put yourself in others’ shoes, imagine what someone may be going through, give them the benefit of the doubt and think with your heart, always.  Success and happiness will follow when you truly love yourself and can share that love with those around you.

Be open-minded.  Embrace the differences in others.  Be flexible and willing to try new things even if it means stepping out of your comfort zone.  Absorb the experiences fully because they all count in ultimately making you the person you will become.

Be proud of your heritage and your culture.  Don’t be afraid to share all parts of yourself to others.  Never feel shame for what you are or where you come from, instead, be the good example of your race and ethnicity to combat the unfair judgements and misunderstandings others have formed.  You have watched me embrace the pride in my culture and raise my head up high when discriminated against.  You are half Puerto Rican, it is a part of you, carry that part of you proudly through out your life.

Life is not fair.  Bad things will happen.  Things will not go as planned and life will be cruel at times.  You will hurt and feel undeserving of such struggles and wonder how you will survive them.  I can’t protect you from the obstacles you will face and may not be able to make them go away, but I will always be there to listen and most importantly, to model and illustrate the coping mechanisms I have learned throughout my life when dealing with adversity.

You have both observed me struggle with my health issues and have seen how I have been able to move forward, in spite of them.  You have watched me refuse to be a victim of my circumstances and steer you away from blaming others for your pain.

Your father has been the example of what having integrity looks like.  An honest, compassionate man who has sacrificed his needs for all of us.  Always willing to give of himself to make us happy all while demonstrating and balancing his extraordinary work ethic.  A man who never tires of doing for others in the community and who has made a significant impact on others’ lives.

My beautiful children,  I carry you both in my heart, always.  I wish you only the best as you face, head on, your new experiences.  I hope that there is always room in your hearts for your father and I and for the beliefs  we have instilled in you.    

No one else in this world loves you more. 

 

Mom

 

 

 

28 thoughts on “A Message To My Adult Children

  1. Hepa Chica! This was amazing! I love this letter to your kids. It is so amazing and can guarantee they will keep it for a long time. I love that you tell them to sprinkle kindness and be compassionate. I love that. A lot of kids nowadays, even myself when growing up, thought I need to be successful, I want to be successful with a career and job and stability, just like everyone else. But I learned in my mid 30s that my definition of success had changed…it became more of values than goals. Don’t get wrong, goals were awesome I still keep them, but integrity and “eulogy” values are what matter most. It was such a great lesson, so glad you’re passing it o to your kids 🙂 but I knew you would you are an AMAZING mujer. Buen Camino!

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  2. That’s so beautiful, Maria! My niece is about to graduate from college, so this is a great time and a bittersweet one. She’s returning from a semester in Ecuador to graduate. Then off to grad school for her!

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    1. They are never too young to hear the right words and to observe your actions. It’s scary when you realize they are about to leave your side and you panic that maybe you didn’t remind them enough or that maybe you missed something. I pity them because I have a feeling I will be reminding them of what is truly important more times than they need to. HA! I just had a vision of me chasing them around the house as they try to hide from me while pointing my finger at them and saying, “and another thing…”. LOL

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      1. That is a good point. I think at the age my kids are at that showing them makes sense. Your post is so eloquent, and as smart as my little uns are, they might not fully get it. But showing them, and then one day discussing with them, that sounds right. And for the record, I am going to chase my kids all over the place, no matter how old they (and I) become.

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  3. Gorgeous, gorgeous advice, and such wonderful love, my Honeybee. If only everyone’s parents cared as deeply about their children as you do about yours. I think your kids will grow into wonderful adults, if they even manage to take on half of what you said 🙂

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    1. As my son gets ready to graduate and go off on his own, I feel a strong urge to remind him about what is truly important. He’s got parents who are extremely proud of him but it’s not about his career choice or how much money he will earn – at all. It’s about so much more, something deeper and significant. It’s hard to see that at their age but I hope that hearing these messages over and over again, will resonate so that they can embrace this holistic way of thinking throughout their lives. xoxo

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  4. Very motherly. 🙂 Too often, children do not understand or appreciate what their parents have instilled in them – only wanting the best and for them to be at peace with themselves. It took me a long time (as the first born, oldest son) to realize all of the love that my Mom had and still has for me. She’s a big influence and inspiration in my life. Your words are lovely!

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    1. It does take a while for us to realize what our parents did/do for us, doesn’t it? I know I can’t prevent the mistakes they will make but I hope that I can always be that little voice of reason and a reminder of what is truly important. Kindness and Compassion always win. Nice to see you here, Eric. 🙂

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    1. It’s what really matters isn’t it, Susie? You can only hope that your children will take that advice and apply it to their situations. I know mistakes will be made but in the end, you have to be able to go to sleep at nights knowing that you are doing your very best.

      Thanks for the technical help too! I couldn’t fix the damn word but worked around it! xoxo

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    1. Thanks, Nancy. I can only hope that they will always listen to my little voice that will forever live in their minds, and apply the advice to their situations. I don’t care so much about what career they choose, it’s about integrity and character, right? 🙂

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  5. Haha, Puerto Rican!! Oh wait, you were serious!? Lol. I tease. That sounds very exotic; they should embrace that. Great advice for your not so little ones, especially one interested in law enforcement. Empathy is a good thing to practice, I’ve found. Good luck to them! And you and dad too!

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    1. Si, puertoriquena! 🙂 Tu hablas espanol? I definitely had my son’s career goal in mind when reminding them about empathy, compassion and being open minded. As you very well know, police officers deal with people from all walks of life and cultures, empathy is a must! As I think about what I want for both of them, I realize that it’s very simple. It’s all about character and integrity. Thanks for stopping by, Officer. 🙂

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    1. Caterina!! I don’t have a large inheritance to leave my children so all I can offer is my words of wisdom (?) and love! We’re all trying aren’t we? The version I sent to them was much more personal. I’m like my mama also! 🙂

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