A Latina Grinch

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FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA

Those are usually the words that come out of my mouth when I am feeling cranky during the holidays.  Except that I say them with a heavy Spanish accent and using a very low and monotone voice.

In reality, I have nothing serious to be complaining about.  I have no business whining or being bratty.  But let’s be real here, it gets exhausting faking jolliness all month-long.

FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA

I am suffering from a severe case of the, “I don’t wanna’s”.  Have you ever suffered from this?  It can be very serious and highly contagious.

This Puerto Rican Grinch is at the peak of her illness and needs medical attention (or a good slapping) ASAP.

Here are examples of how this ailment is manifesting itself: 

1. There are rotten bananas liquefying on the kitchen counter and a decision needs to be made.  Banana bread would be the logical solution.  My response:   I don’t wanna, no quiero, I don’t wanna.

2.  After laboring over placing a fake garland with lights attached to it on the mantlepiece and ensuring that the lights worked prior to using it, the lights don’t work.   New lights would be the logical solution.  My response:  Sh#%&*@^!!!!  I don’t wanna, no quiero, I don’t wanna!

FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA

3. My in-laws need my husband and I to stay at their house overnight to help out while my mother-in-law goes to a Christmas show two hours away.  The logical and usual response is to do this lovingly and with no hesitation.  My response:  I don’t wanna, no quiero, I don’t wanna!

4. My Puerto Rican mustache is in dire need of waxing.  We are talking Señor Brick House!  The logical solution:  wax the hell out of it.  My response:  I don’t wanna, no quiero, I don’t wanna!

FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA

5. I have mad amounts of Christmas shopping to do.  I even know what to get my loved ones.  Some gifts take two seconds  and a simple click of the submit button.  The logical solution: buy the frikin’ gifts already!  My response: I don’t wanna, no quiero, I don’t wanna!

6.  By this time, I have usually indulged in Puerto Rican no-good-for-you fried goodies and have listened to festive (and loud) Puerto Rican Christmas music to get me in the mood.  Logical solution: go to freezer, defrost said no-good-for-you fried goodies, fry those suckers, eat them, press play on your Christmas play list, grab your maracas and güiro and dance the merengue ’till you pull a muscle.  My response: I don’t wanna, no quiero, I don’t wanna!

FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA

PLEASE SEND WELL-WISHES FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY!

FELIZ NAVIDAD TO YOU AND YOURS!

 

41 thoughts on “A Latina Grinch

  1. I hear you. ‘m trying to remind myself that all of this stuff is supposed to be FUN! You’re an adorable Grinch, but I hope you get your Santa mojo back on soon. Having the kids home will certainly hope – mine get home on Sunday. Yeah!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I must have caught your illness – I’ve also been having a severe case of the “I don’t wanna!”s

    And the only thing worse than a garland that doesn’t light up? A garland that only lights up half the way.

    I spent a couple of hours wrangling the garland that wraps down the banister and attempting to attach the glittery bows. It managed to cut me a time or two and spewed fake pine needles all over the stairway in protest. When I finished and night fell, I plugged it in and was delighted by the glow – until I started down the stairs and realized that the lights stopped halfway there. It just looks stupid – and I don’t have the energy or motivation to try to figure out how to fix it.

    BTW – I’m heading to Puerto Rico in February (and I’ve never been before). Any suggestions on things a neophyte absolutely must not miss? We’ll be renting a car, so we can go anywhere!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Jana! Thanks for stopping by. I hope your illness has improved, as Christmas gets closer I feel better except panicked by the things I have yet to do! Oh, your garland debacle, why in the world does this happen? They really need to come up with a better alternative.

      You’re going to PR! Let me tell you, February is the BEST month to go! Wondering where you are staying. 🙂

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      1. I have no idea where we are staying yet — again, I’m procrastinating horribly. I’m thinking we’ll do Airbnb, as they are significantly cheaper than hotels — just trying to figure out what towns to stay in (we plan to go all over the island…we think).

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Gluten Free “baked goods” aren’t always “good” ~> some are “bad” or “terrible. But no one wants to change the name to “baked terribles.”

        Bwahaha! Instead of waxing to remove the mustache, just wax and twirl the tips!

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    1. Oops! Hope your computer screen survived the spewed water. 🙂 I will be just fine, I couldn’t resist sharing my little tantrum with everyone. I’ve already done 3 out of those things on my, “I don’t wanna list” so you can now call me Mrs. Claus! Especially since the mustache is coming off.

      I am looking forward to the chicks arriving and helping me decorate the tree. I miss them like crazy! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I have a case of the “I have to’s.” Gotta finish the handmade cards, get ready for a cookie exchange, help out at Santa Claus Shop, decorate the trees, finish shopping, then crash big time in January. I could get something done tonight, but screw it. I told Danny that I’m all dressed up from my book club luncheon, so we are going OUT!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. AY! I need a drink just from reading your list. You are so great to always make your handmade cards. I don’t know how you do it, woman! 🙂 I hope you had fun going out last night and forgetting about your to do list. I think I’m going to live, at least that’s what the grinch doctor said. 🙂

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  4. I hope you get back to feeling your joyful-brickhouse-self soon, chica. Until then, I say, embrace the “fuck it” philosophy. If you don’t do any of those things, the world will not end. So…fuck it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The older I get, the more I love those words. Fuck it. It looks like I am going to recover without any major side effects lingering – although I give myself permission to have another tantrum before the 25th. Just saying! I hope you are settled in for the holidays and don’t have to travel much until after. I am glad ROY kept you company, though. 🙂

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  5. Honeybee, it’s okay to not want to do any of it. TRULY! You don’t have to feel in the mood. You don’t have to be happy or cheerful or festive. It’s okay to not eat the fried food and try to ootz yourself back into Christmas spirit. It’s alright to not make banana bread or fix the garland. Just throw the bananas in the bin and be done with it. Dump the garland too – you don’t need that kind of pressure from a decoration. Put a candle on the mantelpiece and be done. Or just leave it bare, like mine is.
    Wax the mustache when you feel like it. And decide after an evening of doing EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT (which can be ‘none of it’ or ‘sulking’ or anything you choose) and a good night’s rest, decide on ONE priority for the day and just achieve that one thing.

    Set your goalposts wide, lovely, because there are days when nearly EVERYTHING is too huge to get through them, and that’s something to acknowledge and accept, even though it’s a pain. You CAN do these things, and you will. When you’re ready.

    ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You sweet sweeter than honey, Honeybee! I love your advice. Why put so much pressure on myself? We just got home from caring for my father-in-law and I didn’t die! It was a nice time and my hubby and I made it fun. The banana bread is done, albeit yucky. After I finish replying to comments I will be attacking that mustache of mine. I borrowed my neighbor’s weed wacker so it should be a quick fix! 🙂 You always know what to say. xoxoxo Besos

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I love you ❤ TOo much pressure is always bad. Keep your goalposts wide, your expectations reasonable, and always take into account that you don't have to justify your feelings – they just ARE. I'm glad you were able to get so many of the things done, and that they weren't as tricky as you thought at first ❤

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    1. The good news is that I made the damn banana bread. The bad news is that I made it gluten-free and it tastes like cardboard. But at least I made it, right? 🙂 I have GOT to take care of the stache asap before I clog up the shower. LOL. Really.

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