FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA
Those are usually the words that come out of my mouth when I am feeling cranky during the holidays. Except that I say them with a heavy Spanish accent and using a very low and monotone voice.
In reality, I have nothing serious to be complaining about. I have no business whining or being bratty. But let’s be real here, it gets exhausting faking jolliness all month-long.
FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA
I am suffering from a severe case of the, “I don’t wanna’s”. Have you ever suffered from this? It can be very serious and highly contagious.
This Puerto Rican Grinch is at the peak of her illness and needs medical attention (or a good slapping) ASAP.
Here are examples of how this ailment is manifesting itself:
1. There are rotten bananas liquefying on the kitchen counter and a decision needs to be made. Banana bread would be the logical solution. My response: I don’t wanna, no quiero, I don’t wanna.
2. After laboring over placing a fake garland with lights attached to it on the mantlepiece and ensuring that the lights worked prior to using it, the lights don’t work. New lights would be the logical solution. My response: Sh#%&*@^!!!! I don’t wanna, no quiero, I don’t wanna!
FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA
3. My in-laws need my husband and I to stay at their house overnight to help out while my mother-in-law goes to a Christmas show two hours away. The logical and usual response is to do this lovingly and with no hesitation. My response: I don’t wanna, no quiero, I don’t wanna!
4. My Puerto Rican mustache is in dire need of waxing. We are talking Señor Brick House! The logical solution: wax the hell out of it. My response: I don’t wanna, no quiero, I don’t wanna!
FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA
5. I have mad amounts of Christmas shopping to do. I even know what to get my loved ones. Some gifts take two seconds and a simple click of the submit button. The logical solution: buy the frikin’ gifts already! My response: I don’t wanna, no quiero, I don’t wanna!
6. By this time, I have usually indulged in Puerto Rican no-good-for-you fried goodies and have listened to festive (and loud) Puerto Rican Christmas music to get me in the mood. Logical solution: go to freezer, defrost said no-good-for-you fried goodies, fry those suckers, eat them, press play on your Christmas play list, grab your maracas and güiro and dance the merengue ’till you pull a muscle. My response: I don’t wanna, no quiero, I don’t wanna!
FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA
PLEASE SEND WELL-WISHES FOR A SPEEDY RECOVERY!
FELIZ NAVIDAD TO YOU AND YOURS!
