Why I Love Gay Men

i.marbella.com It's Raining Men

i-marbella.com
It’s Raining Men

Who doesn’t have that gay friend/relative who is so much fun to hang out with?  I hope you do because let me tell you, I love my gay men.

I have always instantly bonded with gay men.  For some reason they love me.  I can’t explain why that is but I immediately love them back.  The gay men I know are like the bffs you always wanted without the competition.  Girlfriends rock too but there is nothing like a gay friend.

When I am in the presence of gay men I can let my guard down and completely relax.  I know they are not “checking me out” and don’t have an ulterior motive (like wanting to get in my pants.)  At least I think they don’t – although some have been questionable.

Of course, my all-time favorite gay men in the world happen to be my brother in-laws.   Mr. B’s brother M, is the most loving and caring soul you will meet.  Cultured, hard-working, kind and always willing to step up when needed. I always joke that I married the wrong brother because M is always watching out for me.  His husband, G is quite the character.  He lights up a room as soon as he enters it.  I am in awe of his positivity and happy demeanor.  He doesn’t have a shy bone in him and is a Jack of all trades.  There is nothing G can’t and won’t do.  They have both worked hard at getting our family together and love us all to the moon and back.

M & G are exactly the kind of people you want to hang out with.  They are fashion-savvy, love theater, fine dining (and drinking) and will complement you all day long.  I always feel fabulous when I am in their presence.

Did I tell you the time they invited all the sister-in-laws (5 of us) to their beautiful home in DC for a weekend? They greeted us all at the airport with a single rose for each one of us (the producers of the show, The Bachelor, obviously copied the idea from them.)  As we settled into our bedrooms we saw that there were gift/swag bags (like at the Oscars) for us.  Get the hell out, right?  Inside were gift cards to spas, restaurants, shops and tickets to a show.  The menus for the weekend were printed in nice paper and posted on the fridge for all to see.  Can you say completely pampered and spoiled?  As a bonus, some of their gay friends came over for dinner one night and I laughed so hard that my cheeks were in severe pain for several days following.

There are other gay men I have bonded with.  Like the waiter in a fine restaurant that was the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my life.  I asked Mr. B permission to tell this waiter exactly how beautiful he was (in the event he had not realized this fact about himself.)  He thanked me for the compliment and we flirted all night.  Oh, I forgot to mention that this was a special dinner and anniversary Mr. B and I were celebrating.  Oops.

Then, there was the time at a gay bar in Provincetown when my new buddy, Madonna The Transvestite, introduced herself to me and told me how much he/she loved me and wanted to party with me, that is, until she looked down at my feet and saw that I was wearing Crocs.  The look of horror in her face said it all.  She informed me that we could not be friends after all because she did not “do” Crocs and was clearly appalled.  She did have a point.

Dancing to my favorite song, Brick House inside an elevator with a hilarious gay guy I had recently met is also up there as one of my most memorable gay-men experiences.  

The new memory to add to my gay-men collection happened a couple of days ago while on vacation with family, including M & G.  It was the last night of vacation and there were only four of us left at the house.  M & G had made reservations at a fabulous restaurant they had been to before.  This was a new quaint farm to table restaurant only serving two seatings.  One at 5:30 and one at 8pm.  We arrived right at 8:00 and were given complimentary Prosecco as we took our seats.  

Every seat was filled including a large table that seated a group of about 14 men.  My ears perked up as I listened to them talk.  As we ate our seven exquisite courses each paired with the right wines, I had to visit the ladies’ room.  Low and behold, can you believe that I had to walk past the table of gay men to use the facilities?  On my way back I stopped at the table and commented on their good looks and fun gathering.  That was it.  It was love at first sight (with all of them) and I instantly became their bff.  They greeted me, serenaded me and took selfies with me.  Mr. B came to my rescue ( though I didn’t really need rescuing) and he was also given a warm welcome followed by some…catcalling.  Oh, they LOVED Mr. B and he was a great sport about it all.  By the end of the night, we all were hugging, kissing and taking more pictures together.   Another wonderful evening with M & G and the other gay men.

As an aside, I also love gay women and have my share of fun stories with them, but today is all about the men.  In particular M & G whom I absolutely adore.  

As new laws are passed and walls are torn down along the journey to a more loving and accepting society, what really matters is that we love the person for who they are, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.   I am blessed to have met wonderful people along this journey and am a better person because of it.

Do you have a gay bff?

45 thoughts on “Why I Love Gay Men

  1. Maria, this part has been bothering me, for a really long time:

    I know they are not “checking me out” and don’t have an ulterior motive (like wanting to get in my pants.)

    Why, oh why are you perpetrating the notion that all men (straight and cis, anyways) desire is sex? That they think about sex all the time? That all they want from women is sex, sex, sex?

    They don’t.

    They really don’t.

    I can’t speak for heterosexual men- I’m not oriented that way. But from those I know, no, no, no, they think about other things, and they don’t have a problem with treating women as friends.

    Yes, I realize that when people are single, they do weird things. I’ve read more than an eyeful from other female WP bloggers about dick pics and the like on the dating scene. But single women on the dating scene do plenty of bizarre things, too, under the influence of libido, jealousy, and more.

    This attitude is sexist, Maria, and I’m calling it out.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Jak. Hope you are doing well. First, I wanted to say that a lot of my writing is meant to be humorous. Having said that, there is nothing humorous about being hit on by men all the time. Since I was little I have been dealing with men behaving inappropriately. Is every man inappropriate? Of course not. But I have way too many examples of men who were/are. It’s disgusting to think about the situations I have been put in by men. All men? Of course not. But many. Way too many. So, I don’t apologize for being relieved to be around gay men who are not a threat to me. I don’t apologize for welcoming that kind of friendship. Yes, I have had male friends who have been great friends and gentlemen but unfortunately not as many as the ones who have treated me like an object. We all form opinions based on our experiences. It sounds like you had a horrible experience with the opposite sex and I am sorry that it happened to you. I understand your need to point out that it goes both ways. That there are bad women out there just as there are bad men. When you are a woman who has been hit on and harassed since the age of 8, you get cynical and you get weary. It’s what I have seen and what I have felt. Be it sexist or not, it is my truth.

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      1. My primary abuser was my mother. Sexually, emotionally, and occasionally physically.

        I was accused falsely of rape my first year in college. OH no, not by my girlfriend at the time. By her roommate. Shortly before that was when I started cutting. It wasn’t a healthy relationship, to understate things mildly. Granted, it was a female rape survivor that told me most emphatically that I was NOT guilty, although I thought I was at the time.

        People would think that it’s mostly men who stalk for sexual reasons? Ha! Within my first year of blogging 12 years ago, I had a young woman stalk me for her own sexual jollies. Cimmy got mad at first, and then when she realized what was REALLY going on, she got this young woman squirming. She still had the sheer gall to rant, though, when her fiancé cheated on her. Ms. Pot to Mr. Kettle.

        I can assure you… I’ve seen more than my fair share of women behaving VERY badly– for reasons of sexual gratification and amusement, to boot. Many double standards. But while I’ve had plenty of experiences with women that rather mirror yours, I just don’t feel like implying most women are narcissistic bitches who are out to suck men’s souls for their own vanity. (It was primarily women that helped me get away from the soul-suckers.) Yes, I encountered some like that, including the woman that bore me. Just yesterday I got regaled by some stupid story about someone Mom knew having bariatric surgery, and how her gianto butt shrunk but not her boobs. Yay, how my mother shares. But it would be disingenuous for me to make blanket statements and hope people realized I was talking about individuals, and not all women.

        Good grief, that #YesAllWomen hashtag was annoying, though.

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  2. If only I did have a gay friend. I am working on deepening my friendship with two lesbian couples I met recently. They are hilarious, and feel like long-time friends. And it’s time I invited them over again!

    It’s so amazing the number of people you meet. I think it’s in your DNA that brings these people to you. You seem to bring out the best in the people you meet.

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  3. What up chica! Just catching up on my people and their adventures and can I say how awesome your adventure has been! M&G sound awesome!! I don’t have any gay dude friends… Sigh maybe if I did I’d be having an awesome time like you. Whew! Sounds great glad you and Mr. B are doing well and you’re looking healthy so I’m happy for you 🙂

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  4. But Maria, not all gay men are AbFab effeminate. And not all are Tom of Finland/The Village People/Rob Halford of Judas Priest butchie, either. I think there’s less pressure these days to conform to any particular stereotype, and people can express themselves any way they wish.

    When I am in the presence of gay men I can let my guard down and completely relax. I know they are not “checking me out” and don’t have an ulterior motive (like wanting to get in my pants.)

    Complete lack of sexual tension, is how my mother explained it to me.

    I don’t think guys have the same benefit, if they don’t sound off people’s “Hello, I’m gay!” indicators. See, I’m actually bisexually oriented, and Cimmy is too, actually. But I’ve run into gay women that look at me and automatically assume that I’m straight. And they’ve acted differently, assuming that I’m a threat, or I might judge them harshly… when I won’t.

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  5. I am dear friends with the loveliest gay couple on earth – they saved my life when I was going through such a tumultuous time after my husband left me. But my favorite gay man for the rest of time is my 21-year-old son, who just came out to me and his siblings this spring. He hasn’t come out to his grandparents or his dad, so I can’t brag about him on my blog or on Facebook – but I’m incredibly proud of him.

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  6. Well, now Inion’s gotta post a comment too. 😉 I love gay men; always have always will. Like you, I feel that I can truly be myself with them. I started a protest in high school when a few of my gay friends were being horribly bullied and ardently pushed for same-sex marriage rights from the time I was in middle school. I believe in love plain and simple and love should have no barriers or labels. Love is love and if the world would just accept that…. oh what a world it would be. Great post, hun, made my day. ❤

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    1. I hope you are recovering and resting comfortably, beautiful lady! Thank you for reading this and for your wonderful comment. I am so with you on everything you said. The fact that you stood up for your friends at such a young age is incredibly admirable! I honestly have had some of my best belly laughs with the gay men in my life! Rest and heal, lovely! 🙂

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  7. Well Maria: You broke the INM Law. Ging & I do our blogging on Thursday’s & Friday’s. but when I seen the title of your post, I had to stop by. I figured when I share it, & Inion sees it, she’ll pop over & get a smile. She’s just had surgery so I know it will lighten her heart. This is her post for~sure!!! Though I love it dearly. Ging has always been my little *ag-hag! I know that’s not politically correct, but it’s what I’ve always called her. Throughout her life, she has always had a gay man as a bestie. Junior High School, High School, College….even right now, her best friend a wonderful gay man. They have their “drinking nights” when they vent and hate men together, bitching and moaning about them and laugh till they cry. I can’t wait to show her this and I know she’s going to love you even more for it and feel as though you’re a kindred soul!! You truly have the heart of an angel!!! To see past what others can’t to someone’s soul and love them as is; just like Inion. Love ya girl!! ❤ xoxoxo

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    1. How did the surgery go???? I hope she is recovering nicely and I am thrilled that my little post may have given her some much needed chuckles. 🙂 You are so sweet to me, always. Love you back! xo

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  8. Another rose to you! A friend of ours who has never really had a girl friend, and never married, now sixty — told me recently that he didn’t think men could make it in the business world if they came out. It broke my heart. I’m almost certain that he is gay. He’s the kind of guy who notices my hair color and goes shopping with me for wine and hazelnuts, never arousing the wrong kind of feelings on either part.

    Thank you for your great stories and this ode, and bless your family for accepting and celebrating M & G’s love, clearly before the tide turned in favor of gay marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is so sad that your friend at the age of sixty, still feels like he cannot be true to himself in public for fear of it affecting his career. That must be such a lonely way to live. I am sure he cherishes friends like you with hazelnuts and all! 🙂

      I had fun with this story because I had just experienced another fun and wild night with my friends/family and I felt it needed to be shared.

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  9. Love your photo Maria, and what a great post! I want to hang out with you so badly, you have fun wherever you go 😀 At American Buffalo (where daughter met Damian Lewis), I got chatting to a delightful young man, a budding journalist and theatre critic. He was as camp as Christmas and we had a hoot, chatting away while waiting for the show. We cracked me up when I told him that my daughter was obsessed with Damian Lewis and he responded, “Well, I don’t blame her, he is rather yum yum isn’t he?” with which I heartliy agreed 😀

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      1. I miss you, too. I’m in a frenzy of draft completion. Deadline: July 20. I head to Kansas City at the beginning of August and to England for a week thereafter. I’m working to donate a character in a book to a Boston-area charity, so hopefully that will bring me your way-ish next spring.

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  10. Gay people don’t bond with me . . . I think they’re put off by the Old Navy flip flops (and other un-fashionable attire) I wear. 😛

    Your pampered trip to DC sounds like love in action.

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  11. I have friends of all types – straight, gay, bisexual, etc. It doesn’t matter to us as long as they are good people. With the new law passing it was such a great week for all our friends. Everyone just wants to be happy after all.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by! It really doesn’t make a difference what their sexual orientation is, some people are just that nice, right? I just happen to love hanging out with my gay friends/family without worrying about being ‘hit on’. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Hey, I got along very well with Mr. B, so I figure I’d dig his brother and his husband as well, Mrs. B. I hope to meet them next time around in Cape Cod, in fact. 🙂 Of course, my dear wife Karen and I have gay friends of both genders. People are people. Our favorite wedding reception ever was a few years ago was for our friends who lead our group of cruise ship travelers who finally could wed after 30 years together. The brother of one of the brides gave a heartfelt toast, and ripped open his tux shirt to reveal a T-shirt that said Mario Cuomo for President, a shameless plug for the New York Governor who had signed the law to allow his sis and her perfect match to marry at last. Brought the house down. Love was in the house that party. Much great dancing!

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  13. My best friend is a lesbian – not exactly fitting of your post, but that’s what it is. We get along famously, but I’m not sure if any more or less than straight female friends… but I’m also a guy, so I could be completely blind to any number of things.

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    1. Happy Birthday, Trent! I just noticed that it is your day while on FB! I hope you had a wonderful day and it’s not over yet, right? Thanks so much for reading. I was mostly paying tribute to my loving brothers in-law in this post. And, I always have fun stories to tell when hanging out with gay men. Glad you enjoy your friendship with your bff. 🙂

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