It seems that everyone and their grandmother has a Fitbit or something comparable to track their steps, calories in, calories out, exercise, weight gained, weight lost and even sleep. I am frankly surprised it does not include tracking your bowel movements or the color of your urine since I hear you are supposed to drink at least 950 ounces of water per day. Maybe they are working on that feature (can the Apple Watch do that?)
So when Mr. B mentioned to me that they were giving them out at his work to their employees and asked me if I wanted one, I laughed. Seriously?
I then pictured myself wearing one of the fancy ones I have seen online and figured, why not. Except that Mr. B could only get us the plain black flex bracelets and I’m not paying for some fancy cover.
He has since programmed his Fitbit to track his easy-peasy 10,000 steps per day (which he exceeds daily, even though he sits in an office all day.) Apparently, the Fitbit vibrates when you have reached your goal (dammit, mine will never vibrate) and from what I can see, he is enjoying this feature. I am actually happy for him except that I will flush that thing down the toilet if I see that he starts weighing less than me.
I decided to put mine on and sync it to my online account I had created, even though I honestly saw no point. After all, I am horizontal for at least 50% of my day, I am fatigued 98% of the time, my feet hurt even when I am not on them, my wrists don’t like to bend and even my hair hurts.
So, what the hell am I supposed to be tracking? I know I can break the record for hours slept per day, but really.
I imagine the tracking of a typical day in the life of brickhousechick, looking something like this:
1. Get my body out of bed (at noon), go to the bathroom and return to bed:
Sleep tracked: 15 hours
Steps Taken: 10
Calories out: 5 (it’s hard work to fall)
2. Once back in bed, I try to reach the remote so that I can watch TV:
Activity tracked: reaching
More activity tracked: lifting my head
Pain to my neck, fingers and wrists: 100
Sleep needed after exertion: 6 hours
3. Get myself something to eat:
Activity tracked: opening the fridge
Activity tracked: pushing the start button on microwave
Steps Taken: 12
Tears shed: 26
Calories in: 2500
Calories out: 2
Activity tracked: operating grabber
Calories out: -5
4. At some point in the day I
Activity tracked: step into shower
Activity tracked: turn on shower
Activity tracked: apply shampoo & conditioner
Steps taken: 4
Calories out: 2
Gallons of water used: 50 gallons x 30 days = 1500 gallons, 25 gallons x 30 days =750 gallons, which is a 750 gallons of water per month x 65 gallons per rinse per hour….
5. When I have to, I go shopping:
On bad days, I use a mobility cart.
Unknown children like to hang on
flirt with meet others
Activity tracked: turning ignition on scooter
Activity tracked: putting the scooter on reverse and hearing loud beeps
Activity tracked: placing items in too small of a basket
Calories out: 7
Calories in: 500 (from free samples)
Humiliation: SUPER HIGH
Hearing Loss from Beeps: Mucho
6. My final and favorite activity of the day:
Activity tracked: lifting glass
Activity tracked: swallowing
Antioxidants consumed: a ton
Hearts helped: 1
Happiness felt: limitless
Pain relieved: ALL
PS. “There is some evidence that orgasms can relieve all kinds of pain — including pain from arthritis, The Huffington Post.
FYI: The Fitbit tracks all activity.
How is your Fitbit treating you?