Love Thy Neighbor?

wcpo.com

wcpo.com

 

As I write this, I am watching a new series on the A&E channel called, Neighbors With Benefits.  

Please don’t judge me, this is a no judgement post.

Mr. B (who is sitting right next to me), was channel-surfing and came across it.  Well, I don’t care who you are and how often you go to church, it is damn hard to turn away from this enticing show, to say, the PBS channel, when the neighbors in this show look like a bunch of Ken and Barbie dolls.

Oh, hold on.  Right now, two couples are making out with the other’s spouses.  They are in a public place and the bartender just noticed that there has been some kind of a switch-up.  Instead of A&E, I will now call it the Ay & Ew channel.

What I am learning as I watch (ever so intently), is that they do not call themselves swingers.  Instead, they describe themselves as living, In The Lifestyle.  That’s an interesting way to put it.  

Now that you know this secret term (you’re welcome), be sure never to say you are in a lifestyle unless you really are In THE Lifestyle and you want others to know.  Otherwise, they will erroneously think you are actually In The Lifestyle when you were just talking about your regular ‘ol lifestyle kind of lifestyle.  

Bottom line, don’t use the word lifestyle ever again – just to be sure.

By the way, if you are reading this and you are In The Lifestyle, please know that I am not judging.  You are free to live whatever lifestyle you choose.

So, this show has me thinking about my neighbors now.  Are any of them In The Lifestyle?  I know there are definitely Life-stylers in my little town (I’ve seen them), but how would I know?   Is there a signal Lifestylers give non-Life-stylers when they are interested?  I will have to watch next week’s episode to find that out. 

If I were to ever consider being In The Lifestyle with my neighbors, I would need to figure out which of them I would take benefits from.  

Let’s see, if I look to my left, I will find two moms with an adult child living with them and their dog (who poops in our yard).  They do have a hot tub though, which would be a great benefit for my aching joints. Hmmm…

Next to them, is a super nice, attractive divorced woman who has a tenant (with no benefits, I believe) living with her. I am pretty sure she has a cat though and I don’t do like cats.

To my right are my ghost neighbors.  They bought the house and all,  but are never there.  They spend most of their time in their other house they own about two hours away.  Huge benefit here: I could use their house for Lifestyle parties and they would never have to know. Hmmm…

Next to the ghosts, is a nice cookie-cutter type of couple who I am sure pay their taxes on January 1st, give 80% of their income to their church, organize their recycling perfectly (I’ve witnessed this) and cross all their T’s even though no one actually hand writes anymore. The only benefit I see there, is an OCD-immaculate house and lot’s of hand sanitizer. 

Next to the attractive divorced neighbor, lives a creepy man and his very kind handicapped wife.  I’ve never met a more socially awkward man.  He doesn’t say much and is never out of the house.  Gosh, I hope they don’t have people held hostage in their basement.  Note to self: listen for screams coming from their basement window when I walk by.

Then, there are the dog whisperers.  A couple in their 60’s living in a huge house with many incredibly behaved dogs.  I believe they take them in to train them and then return them to their owners.  I wish they had lived there when my kids were little.  I would have eagerly given them the kids to train.  They use lot’s of dog treats and they clean up the poop! If that’s not a benefit, I don’t know what is?

Lastly, I would have to consider the ominous single man, who lives in his mom’s house (she has since passed away), who still has a Farrah Fawcett poster inside his garage!  Really?  It’s in mint condition with no rips on the edges and thankfully, no stains that I could see.  We see Farrah’s shiny wispy hair every time we walk by.

posters.ca

posters.ca

Sigh.

I think after much consideration, I can tell you with all certainty, that I will not be living, In The Lifestyle with my neighbors, anytime soon.  I will however, consider moving to a more suitable neighborhood.

 

Do you have any neighbors with potential benefits?

 

54 thoughts on “Love Thy Neighbor?

  1. Well, I see all the others are chuckling, wondering who might be up to this stuff.

    But Cimmy and I *do* have a semi-long-distance friend that is. Swinging, BDSM, yep, all that. She got remarried recently, and I wondered if things would be different at all (as she described with her ex). …Not really. “We’re swingers,” she said, referring to both she and her husband.

    Shocked? No, not really. I’ve been exposed to enough experiences that I don’t feel that too much, unless people are truly evil. We’ve known her online/by way of telephone for over 8 years (we just haven’t managed an in-person meeting yet). They are regular folks, I’d say, all other things aside. Her new husband is much more willing to talk tech shop with me than her ex was, although Mr. Ex was a tech professional and I dunno about New Hubs specifically. Yup, much of our discussions are techy type stuff: networking, websites, etc. I need to ask them why I can’t get a network extension working for Cimmorene. Their lifestyle isn’t ours, but we get along fine.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You’re more tolerant than I am. Not judging? Blecch. I don’t know what’s worse – that people do this, or that they’re so shameless they put themselves on TV for the world to see. I bet their parents are so proud.

    Sorry for putting a rant in the middle of your funny. Which this post is. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Haha 😀 You crack me up Maria! I can’t believe that guy still has a Farrah Fawcett poster up in his garage. Believe it or not, I just wrote about my first time in California and how I noticed this very same poster that my boyfriend’s brother had pinned up on the wall of their den. It was 1979, hello!!!! I’m so curious about the immaculate house. I bet it’s not all as it seems. It seems everyone today has benefits. But I’d rather stick to my own 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I just saw Mr. Farrah’s poster man drive by me in our street and couldn’t stop cracking up. 🙂 I think every guy had this poster up back in the 70’s, but now? I’ll have to watch the show again this Sunday to see what else I can learn (for research purposes, of course). Ha,ha.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I did see this show in my channel guide when I was looking for something to watch. Hmmmm – no potential here- we are surrounded by a 90+ year old woman, a divorced dad who is like a brother I like to fight with and 2 multi-generational families….. I guess it’s a good thing I’m not looking! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Man, I wish!!! Where are the hot guys who are always in those Hallmark movies who just happen to live next door and are ignored by the clueless heroines???? There. Are. None. Here.
    You have some very interesting neighbors!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. My Mrs. B is plenty for my Style Life, Mrs. B. My neighbors are OK for small talk and good intentions with nary a thought otherwise. What day and time did you say this show was on? Just curious to see what brought out the aye and ewe and your intent to watch again next week … 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This post is so funny. There’s NO WAY I’d move to your neighborhood expecting any benefits from your neighbors . . . at least not as you’ve described them.

    So BFF shall remain the only one for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m told that these couples featured on this show don’t live too far away from where we do! I’ve never seen any of them in person, but if I do run into one of them at Kroger should I get his or her autograph for you? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve been hearing rumors about this show for over a year. Never thought that it’d make it to TV, but now that it has I’ll be on the lookout for these “stars.” *head to desk*

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        1. Oh dear… I guess I need Jesus, as my son’s Tejano caregiver sometimes says. You meant “cornered”, right? I read “corned”, and I thought, “wait, not like… cornholed?” (Yes, I know, I’m putting the F in TMI here.)

          I did read this post you speak of. I do wonder if I could passably trade swears with CW. Seriously. I’ve got a friend, long-haul trucker these days, that’s a Navy vet. I was talking with her on the phone and uttered a combination of two 4-letter words she said she hadn’t heard as such before.

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  9. Yes, I always wonder about my neighbors who have the parties every time their kids get shipped off to their ex’s house for the weekend. But swingers is an outdated term now? I would think ‘Lifestyle’ could pertain to any sort of kinky or extreme ‘choices’. And that is a PBS show huh? Who woulda thought? Enjoy your lifestyle Maria…and your neighbors this summer!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha,ha! Just to be clear, the show was on A&E and not PBS. LOL. 🙂 This neighborhood featured was a ‘regular’ suburban neighborhood with soccer moms & swing sets – you just never know! I’ll stick to my lifestyle for now, thank you. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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