As I write this, I am watching a new series on the A&E channel called, Neighbors With Benefits.
Please don’t judge me, this is a no judgement post.
Mr. B (who is sitting right next to me), was channel-surfing and came across it. Well, I don’t care who you are and how often you go to church, it is damn hard to turn away from this enticing show, to say, the PBS channel, when the neighbors in this show look like a bunch of Ken and Barbie dolls.
Oh, hold on. Right now, two couples are making out with the other’s spouses. They are in a public place and the bartender just noticed that there has been some kind of a switch-up. Instead of A&E, I will now call it the Ay & Ew channel.
What I am learning as I watch (ever so intently), is that they do not call themselves swingers. Instead, they describe themselves as living, In The Lifestyle. That’s an interesting way to put it.
Now that you know this secret term (you’re welcome), be sure never to say you are in a lifestyle unless you really are In THE Lifestyle and you want others to know. Otherwise, they will erroneously think you are actually In The Lifestyle when you were just talking about your regular ‘ol lifestyle kind of lifestyle.
Bottom line, don’t use the word lifestyle ever again – just to be sure.
By the way, if you are reading this and you are In The Lifestyle, please know that I am not judging. You are free to live whatever lifestyle you choose.
So, this show has me thinking about my neighbors now. Are any of them In The Lifestyle? I know there are definitely Life-stylers in my little town (I’ve seen them), but how would I know? Is there a signal Lifestylers give non-Life-stylers when they are interested? I will have to watch next week’s episode to find that out.
If I were to ever consider being In The Lifestyle with my neighbors, I would need to figure out which of them I would take benefits from.
Let’s see, if I look to my left, I will find two moms with an adult child living with them and their dog (who poops in our yard). They do have a hot tub though, which would be a great benefit for my aching joints. Hmmm…
Next to them, is a super nice, attractive divorced woman who has a tenant (with no benefits, I believe) living with her. I am pretty sure she has a cat though and I don’t
do like cats.
To my right are my ghost neighbors. They bought the house and all, but are never there. They spend most of their time in their other house they own about two hours away. Huge benefit here: I could use their house for Lifestyle parties and they would never have to know. Hmmm…
Next to the ghosts, is a nice cookie-cutter type of couple who I am sure pay their taxes on January 1st, give 80% of their income to their church, organize their recycling perfectly (I’ve witnessed this) and cross all their T’s even though no one actually hand writes anymore. The only benefit I see there, is an OCD-immaculate house and lot’s of hand sanitizer.
Next to the attractive divorced neighbor, lives a creepy man and his very kind handicapped wife. I’ve never met a more socially awkward man. He doesn’t say much and is never out of the house. Gosh, I hope they don’t have people held hostage in their basement. Note to self: listen for screams coming from their basement window when I walk by.
Then, there are the dog whisperers. A couple in their 60’s living in a huge house with many incredibly behaved dogs. I believe they take them in to train them and then return them to their owners. I wish they had lived there when my kids were little. I would have eagerly given them the kids to train. They use lot’s of dog treats and they clean up the poop! If that’s not a benefit, I don’t know what is?
Lastly, I would have to consider the ominous single man, who lives in his mom’s house (she has since passed away), who still has a Farrah Fawcett poster inside his garage! Really? It’s in mint condition with no rips on the edges and thankfully, no stains that I could see. We see Farrah’s shiny wispy hair every time we walk by.
I think after much consideration, I can tell you with all certainty, that I will not be living, In The Lifestyle with my neighbors, anytime soon. I will however, consider moving to a more suitable neighborhood.
Do you have any neighbors with potential benefits?