entertainment weekly
As a barely moving vivacious 50-something empty-nester, something I think about more often than when my nest was full, is engaging in some steamy chickiti-chickiti. Yes, by chickiti-chickiti, I mean well… you know (I’m Catholic and family members read my posts so don’t make me say it!)
Going down the list of all the ingredients needed for an ideal chickiti-chickiti recipe at this stage in our lives, I checked our pantry to see what Mr. B and I had:
4 c. of desire = CHECK!
2 heaping Tb. spoons of sexiness = shit, we only have 1/2 ounce left
2 fit bodies = the expiration date says 1/31/87
3 gallons of wine = CHECK!
A minimum of 1 slinky lingerie = do Cuddl Duds count?
1 unlimited prescription of small blue pills = I’m not telling…
A huge amount of privacy = CHECK!
So, on a recent business trip where I accompanied Mr. B, we were feeling even more adventurous than usual. Our hotel had an abundance of floors, making the elevator ride…slower and longer.
It was late at night.
There was mega alcohol in our systems.
We were alone in the elevator.
The desire was palpable.
The lust…untamable.
Excitement took over us as he leaned in for a passionate kiss while his hands explored my not so sexy body. What a rush…
That’s when it happened.
…
…
…
My ears popped.
Not only did they pop, but they hurt!
Can you say, MOOD KILLER!!!?
I begged Mr. B to stop at once.
He asked me what was wrong, but I could not hear out of either ear.
The elevator doors opened to our floor.
The end.
Sometimes the earth moves, sometimes the ears pop. Glad you weren’t permanently hindered
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I guess I had no business being so adventurous. Elevator Loving Fail, leaves one feeling very old. 🙂
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Maria, you crack me up! Hope your ear recovered…and I won’t ask about the rest 😛
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You’ll be happy to know that I did recover, Sherri. Rather quickly, to my husband’s delight. 🙂
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😉
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Yikes, painful mood killer! Maybe you can pretend you’re back in the elevator in the comfort of your empty nested home…..too boring? Less painful though! 🙂
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Hi, thanks for stopping by! I might have to keep it safe from now on. Dining room table? Clothes Dryer? LOL. 🙂
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I’m with susie on this one. A stairwell can be a most romantic place. Just wear flats so that you don’t go falling down the stairs and break an ankle. Hasn’t happened to me, but I can see how it could! Other than that, have fun.
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Thanks, Ally! It looks so easy on TV. Oh well, at least I tried, right? Me and stairs is probably not a good idea either. #clumsybrickhousechick 🙂
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Ouch. I hope you could hear again fast……..and maybe moved even faster once you got back to your room. 🙂
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My ears recovered rather quickly. 🙂
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Oh, how abruptly short.
The “Chikiti Chikiti” made what could’ve been sound dirtier.
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Sorry about that. It could have been…. 🙂
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Wow. Just wow. Never thought about the ears popping. Just how high up did you go?
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Just my luck, Linda! Who knew? 🙂
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At least your lot have emptied the nest, the way things are going around here it’s gonna hafta be me who does the leaving the nest thing I think. Note to self hey, room on lower floors.
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Ha,ha! Too many youngsters in your nest? Sorry about that; it will go by fast and suddenly you will find yourself with lot’s of privacy and elevators!
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A for effort?
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Yes! I certainly tried to be adventurous, Guapo. It looks much easier to do in movies. 🙂
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Oh, Mrs. B. That was one hell of a kiss by Mr. B. He brought you to the mountains. Oy.
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Why yes, that’s what must have sent me soaring in record speed. That’s what I’ll tell him, anyway. Thanks for that perspective, Mr. advice column. You rock! 🙂
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That ear-popping thing, I remember when I would come with my family from flat Long Island to the Berkshires in Massachusetts, where we had family. My ears would go crazy. Like that, Mrs. B, but Love in an Elevator, as Aerosmith sang, right?
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As a little girl, I had chronic ear infections and would cry whenever I flew in an airplane from the popping and the pain. I guess I haven’t outgrown my ear issues. Yay, the Berkshires! 🙂
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I guess you have not outgrown the inner ear woes, Mrs. B. 😦
My great aunt and family owned cabins to rent summer only in Huntington, Mass., near Westfield. There was a “mountain” in their backyard and a river across Route 20.
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You need to get yourself and Mrs. B back to Western MA!! Come to my secret little town where I live my secret little life (except that you know the secret) and hang out with Mr. B and I! 🙂
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We will come no-snow season, my friend. 🙂
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Did your eardrum rupture, Maria? I’ve heard that can be very painful and would definitely kill the mood.
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You know, my left ear has been acting up lately – I should probably get it checked out! This getting old stuff is for the birds! 🙂
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I call B-S on this. No way a little ear popping would deter the hot and sexy Mo’Brick. 🙂
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Oh Nancy, this Mo’Brick still has the dance moves but as to the hot and sexy part…I’m afraid this lemon of a body is taking over! It was fun trying though. 🙂
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Popping the cork => Get Ready!
Popping the question => Get Set!
Ear popping => A giant buzz kill!
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Exactly, Nancy! I can think of many other good “poppings” that would have helped the situation. Oh, well! So much for adventure. 🙂
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Some would say that popping ears adds to the mood…
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I suppose…but it didn’t go that way for us. Maybe next time! Ha!
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Hey, I’m just looking for the positives. I’m a very positive person that way. Of course, I also go batty when my ears pop, so I’m also largely a hypocrite.
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Thanks for that positive vibe! Next time I’ll carry some ear drops with me.
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Shades of Glenn Close and Michael Douglas, though I don’t remember ear-popping being a significant deterrent. 🙂
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Ha! Fatal Attraction, a great movie. Yes, it always looks easy to do in the movies doesn’t it? It’s a lot tougher than it looks. 🙂
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lots of chickiti chickiti … but no bam bam… ha… see what I did there… a weird and clever attempt to make it sound like the Disney movie ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang… if it was a porno… HA!
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THAT is good, Arturo! Very funny. 🙂
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I try really hard…
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Wow. That must’ve been some elevator! 😀
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We would have been better off on a plane! hee,hee.
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Ears popped. Were you in Dubai skyscraper or something lol
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LOL Catherine! I swear it felt that way because the ride was long. A bit too fast for my ears, apparently. We tried.
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Damn the bad luck!
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Mr. B was not happy. 🙂
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That is a mood killer! Truth isn’t always better than fiction… Next time, make out in the stairwell!
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It does always look easier on TV. How do they “do things” so fast? Don’t their ears pop? I agree that stairwells are better though I would probably fall down the stairs! 🙂
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