As you may have heard by now, my youngest will be heading to college this fall. My son will be a Junior and is 4 1/2 hours away and my daughter will be 5 1/2 hours away. Although she is never home now and we already feel that the nest is somewhat empty, there are still traces of offspring spread throughout the house. I know that I am going to miss them terribly and that I have yet to realize this fact.
However, in preparation for the fall, I decided to come up with a list of what I plan to do with this new-found freedom:
1. First and foremost, I plan to run (well, mostly saunter) around the house completely NAKED and not afraid! Not afraid to be caught by the kids or their friends and not afraid about scarring them for life.
2. I cannot wait to swear like a drunken sailor. YES! No more worrying about the kids hearing me or having to use lame words like sugar, fudge and jeepers. I plan to swear in English and Spanish and do it loudly and with real feeling! So excited, I can hardly contain myself.
3. You bet your little nalga that I will be making-out with Mr. Brickhouse at all times of the day and night, without worrying about the kids being completely grossed out.
4. I am looking forward to telling my dumb jokes without fear of being criticized by my teens. Mr. Brickhouse does not know it yet but he will listen, fake laugh and pretend that they are funny. (If not, #1 and #3 will NOT happen.)
6. I plan to binge on all the junk food my brickhouse tummy craves. I am talking the real good stuff! Snacks that are processed to death, loaded with synthetic trans fats, overflowing with corn syrup, food coloring (the orange stuff in Cheetos – yum), hydrogenated oils, aspartame, saccharin, nitrates, MSG, genetically engineered flavors and an abundance of preservatives. Nom nom nom…
7. I will no longer use the kids’ sippy cups (even though they are 20 and 18) to disguise my mommy juice. I will
chug drink right out of the bottles, mostly so I do not have to do dishes – which will also be eliminated. Can you say, eat right out of the pots and pans?
8. I will
freely perhaps experiment with certain (not available to me yet) medicinal alternatives like herbs, vitamins and such…when wine, sangria & gin fall short of their ability to successfully numb my arthritic pain. Or, just because.
9. And finally, YES, I will be doing what you have all been thinking about since you saw the title of this post, with more…frequency and perhaps with an uninhibited freedom, typical of couples residing in a childless home. I am of course talking about:
USING OIL BASED HOUSE PAINT!
There, I said it!
Any other suggestions?