What I Plan To Do When The Kids Are Gone

minniepauz.com

minniepauz.com

As you may have heard by now, my youngest will be heading to college this fall.  My son will be a Junior and is 4 1/2 hours away and my daughter will be 5 1/2 hours away.  Although she is never home now and we already feel that the nest is somewhat empty, there are still traces of offspring spread throughout the house.   I know that I am going to miss them terribly and that I have yet to realize this fact.

However, in preparation for the fall, I decided to come up with a list of what I plan to do with this new-found freedom:

1.  First and foremost, I plan to run (wellmostly saunter) around the house completely NAKED and not afraid!  Not afraid to be caught by the kids or their friends and not afraid about scarring them for life.

2.  I cannot wait to swear like a drunken sailor.  YES!  No more worrying about the kids hearing me or having to use lame words like sugar, fudge and jeepers.  I plan to swear in English and Spanish and do it loudly and with real feeling!  So excited, I can hardly contain myself.

3.  You bet your little nalga that I will be making-out with Mr. Brickhouse at all times of the day and night, without worrying about the kids being completely grossed out.

colourbox.com I will continue to wear red lipstick

colourbox.com
(I will continue to wear red lipstick)

4.  I am looking forward to telling my dumb jokes without fear of being criticized by my teens. Mr. Brickhouse does not know it yet but he will listen, fake laugh and pretend that they are funny.  (If not, #1 and #3 will NOT happen.)

5.  I will sing (while naked) as much as I want, to whatever lame song I want to sing to (particularly, It’s Raining Men by the Weather Girls.)

6.  I plan to binge on all the junk food my brickhouse tummy craves.  I am talking the real good stuff! Snacks that are processed to death, loaded with synthetic trans fats, overflowing with corn syrup, food coloring (the orange stuff in Cheetos – yum), hydrogenated oils,  aspartame, saccharin, nitrates, MSG, genetically engineered flavors and an abundance of preservatives.   Nom nom nom…

worldwideinterweb.com

worldwideinterweb.com (relaxing Cheetos bath)

7.  I will no longer use the kids’ sippy cups (even though they are 20 and 18)  to disguise my mommy juice.  I will chug drink right out of the bottles, mostly so I do not have to do dishes – which will also be eliminated.  Can you say, eat right out of the pots and pans?

8.  I will freely perhaps experiment with certain (not available to me yet) medicinal alternatives like herbs, vitamins and such…when wine, sangria & gin fall short of their ability to successfully numb my arthritic pain.  Or, just because.

9.  And finally, YES, I will be doing what you have all been thinking about since you saw the title of this post, with more…frequency and perhaps with an uninhibited freedom, typical of couples residing in a childless home.  I am of course talking about:

 USING OIL BASED HOUSE PAINT!  

There, I said it!

Any other suggestions?

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52 thoughts on “What I Plan To Do When The Kids Are Gone

  1. Ha ha!!!!!! I have to send this to my sister-in-law, who is contemplating an empty nest when my nephew goes off to college this fall. Someone asked her yesterday what she planned to do. Now she’ll have some good ideas to choose from!!!

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  2. Oh Maria, this post made me laugh out loud! I LOVE it. I love the way you write! I particularly like the idea of your new diet, all the good stuff, lol 😉 My daughter adores Cheetos and we can’t get them here in the UK – can’t wait to show her the pic!!!
    Seriously though, it will be a huge transition and it will be tough at first for you but your kids will be home to visit regularly I’m sure and although you will always miss them, you will always have their next homecomings to look forward to (and they will be extra-special) but this time you get to enjoy your new-found freedom in between! Trust me, I know, this 😉

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    1. Tell your daughter I am sending her some virtual Cheetos right now! 🙂 I doubt I will indulge as much as I claim I will do but it’s fun to think I can. I miss my son terribly already so I know I will miss my daughter. I am comforted by other parent’s claims that they end up moving back at some point after college so that I should enjoy the freedom while it lasts. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ahh, she is enjoying them even now, thanks Maria 🙂
        Yes, I still miss my boys terribly from the time they moved out and they are now 31 and 25 – yikes, how the heck did that happen??!! – but as you know I do still have my 21 year old ‘Aspie’ daughter at home. She wants to move out though as soon as she is ready but think she won’t go far, unless she moves back to the States which she wants to do but not without me and well, how do we do that??? But I digress…all I can do now is say yes, your chicks could very well fly back to the nest at some point, not so uncommon these days, so do enjoy the freedom now, ha!, but meanwhile, while they spread their wings, I’m sending you a huge hug… 🙂

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  3. I still walk around the house naked in front of my 4 and 7 year old girls. I’m hoping they will never be grossed out??
    I love your list!! The kids have left! You made it!! 🙂

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    1. Having a boy first and then the girl, I learned to cover up from the beginning. Plus, have you seen my daughter’s amazing body?? No way in H am I going to walk around in the raw next to her! #deathwish 🙂

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  4. Maria, what happened to your eating “healthy” and whole foods natural diet? I am assuming that it must not have lasted all that long. But you enjoy yourself to the fullest! I am right behind you next year when my last two will leave. I am not ready for the empty nest, so I am begging them to please fail their senior year, and let me keep them just one more year. It just seemed to go by in a blur. Of course they just smirked and laughed at me, with a “sure Mom”. Good luck running, or sauntering around naked. I’m a little afraid to, unless the mirrors were removed. I have a few too many parts that wiggle and jiggle! Hope you are doing well. All the best. Kim 😉

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    1. Well, Kim. I stopped the gluten free thing because it was not making a difference in my energy level or pain so why suffer by missing out on yummy foods? 🙂 I AM eating healthier and obviously will not engage in the food orgy I speak of…(minus the Cheetos bath), but it’s fun to think that I COULD do it without little peering eyes around. 🙂 I am sure I will be crying my eyes off this fall but I am enjoying this state of denial.

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      1. I am right there with you. Kyle and I are going to try to limit our intake of sugar starting May 1st, so I am getting in all I can. I never like to walk away from a bet, let alone have a guy (especially your kid) beat me. We will see who cracks first! And you can cry on my shoulder, because after next year, I am going to need to borrow yours! 🙂

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  5. I cannot wait to swear like a drunken sailor. YES! No more worrying about the kids hearing me or having to use lame words like sugar, fudge and jeepers.

    Oh, I do this already, although I’ve got to be careful around my son. My 11-year old daughter, Princess, is just mature enough to understand… I gave her the drill-down and she chooses not to swear despite my bad example. We do have repeated troubles with some of the YouTube videos she watches– a lot of her favorite YouTubers drop a lot of nasty language (even in Minecraft videos).

    I am looking forward to telling my dumb jokes

    Princess, Cimmy, and I all happily trade fart jokes and the like although Princess and I tend to do more of the laughing, muahaha.

    completely NAKED while naked

    Already do this too somewhat but usually when the kids are in school.

    Yes, I know some things may change when they are teens. We’ll see.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha! Glad you are privy to such acts of freedom while your children are still home! You did something right! 🙂 Hopefully as they get older they won’t realize what is actually taking place and think of it as the norm. Good luck with that! hee,hee 🙂

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  6. I want to live in your house, Maria! You deserve to do whatever your heart desires. I have a feeling your daughter will want to come home for a visit more often than you might think, so keep that silky robe close by. 🙂
    I hope you all have a wonderful Easter! xo

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  7. I remember taking my daughter to college. My mom and dad went along. They both cried and I unloaded the last box, jumped in the car, waved wildly and sped away before she changed her mind! But then she has never come home for more than a short weekend visit since then. It was heaven for me. The empty nest was liberating and gave me back myself. I was 39 when she left. Life truly did begin at 40 for me 😉

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    1. I can’t believe the time has come. When the kids are young you don’t see an end to the sacrifices you make for them or a time when you will be able to actually focus on yourself! Your time will come. Bitterly, not soon enough.

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  8. You go girl!! This is a time for celebration not sadness! Love your list of “to-do’s” post E.N.S. (Empty Nest Syndrom) 😉 And the swearing…a must! Throw that swear jar out the window and let the “F” bombs fly! lmao 😉 As for suggestions…I think you’ve got things under control & ready to step this party up to a Defcon 5!!! lol 😛 Just one suggestion we’ll give to the infamous Brickhouse Chick. While running around au natural, add one more thing to your list ~ You have to pick your favorite song, crank that baby up & vacuum naked while singing to it!! Every girl should experience housework in the raw with their favorite performer backing them up!! Luv this post Marie as you are teaching by example to women all over the world how to celebrate their life at another stage rather than cry about it!!! You are one sexy mama!!! ❤ ❤

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    1. You two are so incredibly sweet that I’m afraid I am going to to get cavities just by corresponding with you! 🙂 What a fantastic idea. I can honestly say that I have NEVER vacuumed in the raw but just the thought of it excites me to no end. I am picturing myself blasting the music, singing, throwing F bombs all over the place and vacuuming! Can’t think of anything more gratifying. 🙂

      I may cry here and there once I realize that the nest is empty but it will be short-lived because laughing is much more fun! Have a wonderful weekend!

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    1. I like the, sip the nectar of the Gods straight from the bottle part! I’m obviously kidding about eating GMOs especially after reading your Monsanto article! Those Cheetos do look good, though. 🙂

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    1. Ha,ha! I prefer oil-based paint on furniture because it really holds. Not crazy about the fumes though. I like Susie’s (see below) idea about doing body paint on each other in the kitchen. 🙂

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    1. Doesn’t it, Lisa? Gotta enjoy it while it lasts because you know they will come back to the nest… sometimes to stay! I know I barged back into my parent’s nest unexpectedly and they had to build a room for me in the basement. My wedding day was by far their happiest day. 🙂

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