Spanish Mid-Term Exam – Take It Now And You Could Win! No Need to Panic

carlexonline.com

carlexonline.com

Are you Rrrrrrrready?  Did you study?  

No need to have test anxiety amigos, I grade fairly and you are all fluent…practically!

It must be my teaching methods…

If you need to cheat review prior to taking these TRES short exams, go to LecciónNumero Uno,   Lección Numero Dos and LecciónNumero Tres.  Or you can use your INTELIGENCIA and figure them out on your own (NO google translator or equivalent site allowed – or I will hit you over the CABEZA with one of my Bricks!)

INSTRUCCIONES:

To be graded considered for the prize, you must comment under “Other” by writing your name first and the answer to the question in English (there is limited room in this comment section so use shorthand if need be.)  DO NOT  CLICK ON THE CHOICES GIVEN – CLICK OTHER & WRITE IN YOUR ANSWER TO ALL THREE QUESTIONS.  Comprende?

The ESTUDIANTE with the highest grade will win.  If there are several winners, their names will be entered in a draw.  

Un GRANDE HINT: The correct answer may NOT be listed.

PRIZE

The winner will receive a personal package filled with numerous Spanish Treats.  I won’t divulge  what these are but TRRRUST me, you will be pleased!  Si Señor/a!

**Winner will be announced next week 3/7/14.

Buena Suerte!

Enhanced by Zemanta

MÁS Español (Spanish Lesson Numero Tres) – SEXO

puzzleclopedia.com

puzzleclopedia.com

BUENOS DIAS MIS ESTUDIANTES!

I hope you have been practicing what you learned in lección numero Uno and lección numero DOS.  If you haven’t, head back over there so you can review before the mid-term exam coming up!

A while back, I wrote a post about euphemisms used to describe the act of making love:

Heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from another you’ve been “messing around”

There are some doozies out there like, Roasting the Broomstick,  but this is a SPANISH lesson and you need to know your euphemisms en Español!  

After all,  SEXO is the UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE.

*****WARNING : Mature Subject Matter*****

Let’s Begin:

“TO MAKE LOVE”

(I don’t mean let’s begin to actually make love, I mean let’s begin with the euphemisms used to describe making love)

1.  Voulez Vou Coucher Avec Moi  – Ay lo siento, this is French – oops!

2.  Mojar el bizcocho – wet the cake

3.  Derritir la quesadilla – melt the quesadilla

4.  Bajar la caña  – lower the sugar cane

5.  Ponerle la peluca al perro – putting the wig on the dog

16693614-funny-clown-dog--english-bulldog-wearing-purple-clown-wig-on-white-background

“MISCELLANEOUS WORDS”

1.  Incremento NegativoSHRinkage

2.  El lugar donde la espalda pierde su honesto nombre (the place where the back loses its respectable name) — buttocks

3.  Mujer pública – prostitute

4.  Albondigas (meatballs) – testicles

yummly.com

yummly.com

5.  La Cotorra (parrot) – a woman’s private lower parts

6.  Ganso (goose) – a man’s private part

repmanblog.com

repmanblog.com

*EXTRA CREDIT:

*Tránsito intestinal – bowel movement

*****************************

 There will be a MID TERM EXAM on lessons 1-3  on February 28, 2014 (Seriously)                          

Make sure to STUDY all three lessons because the estudiante with the highest grade will win a REAL prize!  

*Details to follow

Don’t forget to rrrrrroll those RRRRRRRRRRRRRRs!

 *May your weekend be filled with MUCHOS Bizcochos & Quesadillas

depositphotos.com

depositphotos.com

depositphotos_12138996-Cheese-quesadillas

depositphotos

Enhanced by Zemanta

I NEED YOUR VOTES, AMIGOS!

roxy-i

What’s in YOUR wallet?

Isn’t she a cutie pie?  That’s Roxy and she wants to go on a trip with her Mama, Susie Lindau (who is also a cutie).  So, Susie came up with a contest where bloggers would add a caption to this adorable photo.  Finalists have been chosen…ahem…ME INCLUDED, and it’s time to vote, amigos!  

Vote for my caption, “What’s in YOUR wallet?” 

Can’t you just picture Roxy asking that?  It’s simple and goes with the whole traveling theme, right?

Vamos, Vamos – Rapido!

Head on over to Susie Lindau’s Wild Ride right in this momento, check out her awesome blog and VOTE FOR ME!!!!!

Other entries are not as good as mine  are pretty good 🙂 and I wish the other finalists to totally lose   the best of luck! 

JUST KIDDING, I love them all!

VOTE: BRICKHOUSE for PRESIDENTE!

GRACIAS!

Enhanced by Zemanta

Let’s Get It On…

Valentine’s may be over but it’s still pretty steamy here on WordPress.

If you need a little thawing out from this brutal winter, I suggest you turn on some, Marvin Gaye, sit back and read these two blogger’s released books.

1. Pamela Beckford @

 http://pamela984.wordpress.com

dreamsoflovecover.png?w=314&h=500

http://www.amazon.com/Dreams-Love-A-Poetry-Collection/dp/1495473848 

***Pamela provides us with a collection of tender, loving and tantalizing words leaving you wanting more.

*****************************

2. Kitt Crescendos @

http://theinnerwildkat.wordpress.com

1.  Three for All 

three-for-all-website-use.jpg?w=560&h=839

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HINVTL6

2.  Four One Night

51bC-NCRHwL._AA278_PIkin4,BottomRight,-46,22_AA300_SH20_OU01_

http://www.amazon.com/Four-One-Night-Wild-Side-ebook/dp/B00IBHTZHI/ref=pd_sim_kstore_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=1PWMPGCGB21GA3Y8V86T

***Kitt calls herself, theinnerwildkat but don’t let that fool you.  She ventures out from time to time to provide us with wild fantasies & escapades.

********************************

Side effects while reading these books may include increase in heart rate, stronger or irregular heartbeat, sweating,  difficulty breathing, paleness, dizziness, weakness or shakiness, blushing and excitement.  These usually go away quickly, especially if you rest.  

“It’s Getting Hot In Herre…So Take Off All Your Clothes”

http://youtu.be/LQV9I3Seo2I

Enhanced by Zemanta

I’ve Been Robbed: Living With A Chronic Illness

anunews.net

anunews.net

I’ve been robbed.

Multiple times.

And the suspects are at it again.

Missing, are my hours, my days, my being, my joy…and my life.  Each time, they strip away another piece of me, chipping away at my existence until all that is left is a broken, dark and useless me.

They break in and penetrate right through my brick exterior.  Nothing can shield me, nothing can stop them.  Some measures slow them down and put up a good fight but usually prove to be no match to their destruction.

I know their names.  I’ve stared them right in the face.  I have even punched a few of them right in the gut.  They just laugh and shake their heads at me.  They are truly in control.

They belong to a very active gang worldwide.  There is a branch of the gang right in my very  neighborhood.  It’s a family, bound by a common desire to destroy.  Attached to one another and knowing full well what they are capable of, collectively.

The leader of the gang is, Mr. Rheumatoid Arthritis or RA, as they call him in the streets.  He is the mastermind behind this brilliant force.  Ruthless.  What he says – goes.  Barking orders to the worker bees in the gang and mapping out the details of each attack on the intended targets.  He has personally marred my body.  Attacked my joints and left some disfigured.  His latest focus is my neck.

Second in command is, Fatigue.  A repulsive fellow who won’t leave my side.  Every once in a while he sneaks out to get some fresh air or to attend the gang’s ‘strategy’ meetings, but he’s on me the rest of the time.  He is responsible for my uselessness.  Only allowing me to perform a few activities in a day.  Robbing me of a chance at a job, participating in my kid’s activities, enjoying the outdoors with my husband and making me unavailable to attend to my family’s needs.

Fatigue oftentimes prevents my kids from coming to me when they need help with homework, projects, a trip to the mall or just to talk.  He barricades me in my bed and makes me sleep for hours at a time.  Like a rag doll, I am lifelessly wasting away to nothing.

He has invaded my brain, making it difficult to rely on my memory, recall words, make decisions and react sharply to situations.  He holds the remote control responsible for my functioning and oftentimes, sets it on MUTE.

Depression, though not as powerful as his peers, is not far behind.  I don’t let his deadly silence fool me.  He creeps in slowly and soon becomes my strongest voice.  He reminds me of my misery that exists.  He forces me to compare my life to others’ and points out the unfairness of it all.  He uses his full force to pull me down, to see the hopelessness around me and to prevent me from fighting the battle.   In fact, he is with me now.  Made himself right at home and is showing no signs of venturing out in this cold (and who can blame him.)

This is my life.

Oh sure, there are many things I am grateful for and wouldn’t change for the world, but underneath that smile and positivity lies, reality.

Now, please don’t feel a need to call the police, alert the authorities or come to my rescue.  Though I appreciate your efforts greatly, I will somehow, survive.

 I have to.  

I always do.  

It’s daunting and exhausting, but survival is possible.

I will continue to fight my hardest, so I can one day be in full control of my own remote.  One in which the settings are permanently set at, POWER, PLAY and HIGH DEFINITION and one that will never be robbed from me.

 

What Women Really Want – Just in Time for Valentine’s Day

morguefile

morguefile

After extensive research conducted by me in which I interviewed myself, gave myself surveys written by myself, took placebos – knowingly, and used real life examples experienced by only me, I have successfully deciphered what women really want, from their partner.

Because of my impressive credentials and pristine un-tainted research methods, some of my results were published by the New England Journal of Women.  Take a look.

New England Journal of Women ( published 2/7/14)

1.  Women want to be looked at tenderly, by their partner.   Really looked at.  I’m talking face to face, eye to eye, mano a mano.   This makes them feel wanted and important.  When a smile is added to that tender look, Oh My…, she’s all yours. 

thinkstock

*Exceptions:  If she has a huge zit on her nose or has a mouthful of chocolates – then, by all means, DO NOT LOOK AT HER!

2.  Of all the women interviewed (me) regarding the role Chivalry plays in a relationship, 99.9% said that it is crucial and a total turn-on. One participant said that when her husband helps her with her coat, she gets all warm inside and wants to jump on him right there and then. Opening the car door for her,

If he can do it, so can YOU.

If he can do it, so can YOU.

rottenecard_9229739_jqyy5jqqw5pulling out the chair for her at a restaurant and most importantly, jumping into oncoming traffic to protect her, were some of the popular chivalrous actions women favored.

3.  Women want their partners to LOVE everything they cook.  It does not matter if it smells like dirty feet or tastes like Taco Bell’s twice refried canned beans, eat it.  Don’t ask what it is, when it will be ready or what is in it.  Just smile and eat it – all.

divinedinnerparty.com

divinedinnerparty.com

4.  Women love to be kissed.  The majority of the subjects studied said that kissing is a must.  Having her partner lift her chin up gently before a kiss was the top desired method,  

cartoondrawings.net

cartoondrawings.net

followed by her partner cupping her face with both hands and slowly reaching in for the kiss.  Mmmmmmm I mean, statistically speaking of course.  

Romantic-kissing

far3e.com

One subject (who will remain nameless) added that being kissed on the neck was her all-time  favorite.

zedge.net

zedge.net

5.  Romance her. The results of the surveys were unanimous.  All women questioned in this study, want nothing more than to be romanced by their partner – especially for Valentine’s Day.  Yes, it is a big deal and she does want you to acknowledge her on Valentine’s Day.  Hello????  And no, a hollow Russell Stover chocolate-shaped heart from Walmart, will not do.

keepcalm-o-matic

keepcalm-o-matic

 Flowers are nice, but dinner out to a decent restaurant is the clear winner (according to the study).  While at the restaurant,  I  they want to be told they are the most beautiful woman in the world.

*A Special Thanks to my research partner,  Bryan Adams who really understands women.

Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman.

To really love a woman, to understand her
You gotta know her deep inside
Hear every thought, see every dream
An’ give her wings when she wants to fly
Then when you find yourself lyin’ helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=hq2KgzKETBw

Long Long Ago, When I Was a Happy Me

As promised, every month I will be changing up my WordPress Theme just to mix it up in an attempt to get out of these damn depressing winter blahs!  I hope you have a foot fetish and like looking at my feet.  If not, too bad (yes, I am very cranky.)

winter-storm-blizzard-verticle-car

google.com

And that above, is why.

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Depressed Me

stock-photo-depressed-d-man-sitting-in-corner-of-room-126459530

More Depressed Me

I have never ever hibernated as much as I have this winter.  We’re talking not going out of the house for days! I can’t handle it.  My Spanish blood has gotten thinner and wimpier since I turned 50.  It used to endure harsh winters back in the day (for one day) but now, Fuhgeddaboutit!     And to make matters worse, unlike  BEARS, I continue to eat through my hibernation.  

{Insert big swear sigh here}

To me, there is absolutely undeniably NO need for winter.  No USE, no ADVANTAGE, no BENEFIT, no FUN &  no NADA.  I don’t care what you say to try to convince me otherwise because

WINTER = CACA MISERY!!

All I can do is daydream about sunny, breezy, warm and relaxing days with a cool drink or four in my hand.  

That is happiness.   

So Take THAT Polar Vortex!

Happy F****** February 1st!