Kids – that is.
There is nothing yummier than layers upon layers of baby rolls and folds and dimples and crevices and roly-poly bellies and plump thighs and rotund cheeks and quadruple tubby chins. Utterly, edible.
It’s an obsession I have had since I was a young skinny lass. My family knows too well that if there is a young chubbo in the room, I am a goner. They roll their eyes and say, “Here we go…a chubby baby”.
I cannot help myself. My legs go weak and buckle, my eyes go bug-eye, my tongue dangles lifeless over my chin, I gasp for air, my voice goes up 130 decibels…well, I think you get the picture now.
They are just so damn irressistable.
Take a look at this chubster. Who needs a bidet anyway?
It’s not just chubby babies that I adore. I will also kill for chubby toddlers. They are everything adorable chubby babies are except for now, those rolls, folds & crevice-infested beings, move around and talk! Me muero!
Imagine my surprise and delight when a little super chubby 4/5 year old boy approaches me at Target yesterday. I almost peed
a lot a little. Except that this precious ball of chubbiness was alone and he was crying!
I scrouched down to his level and asked him what was wrong.
Tub-tub: I can’t find my family (whimper, whimper).
Me: (holding back the urge to squeeze him) Oh, honey it’s ok, I’ll help you find your family. Don’t you worry.
Tub-tub: Maybe they went to the mall without me (whimper, sniff, whimper).
Me: Oh no honey, I am sure they are looking for you right now. I know that your mommy and daddy told you not to talk to or go with strangers so I am not going to hold your hand (even though I want to stuff you in my cart and take you home) but I want you to hold the cart and we will go together to the customer service desk to find your family.
Tub-tub: What if they went to get food without me? (sob..sob..sniff)
Me: Oh no, they wouldn’t get food without you. What’s your name sweetie?
Me: Ok Oscar, we are going to have the store call your mommy over the loud speaker so that she knows where to come get you. Is that alright (you bundle of irresistible toddler lard, you?)
Oscar and I sit on a bench by the desk waiting for the mama to get paged
Target Lady: Will Shelley please report to the courtesy desk, Shelley.
I spot a “Shelley” and an older brother running towards us pushing their cart.
Shelley: Oh honey, you knew just where to go so that I would find you!
Me: Ehh…actually I brought him here (had it taken you two more minutes to get your *ss here, he would have been MY Oscar).
Shelley: Oh, thank you and I’m sorry. Oscar, it’s ok. You drifted off to the toy aisle and we couldn’t find you.
Oscar: Sniff-sniff, whimper-whimper, hug-hug
Big Brother: Why did you leave to look at toys, stupid?
As I say my goodbyes and start walking away I hear Oscar say;
Don’t ever leave me alone again, that made me very sad!!!
I love me some chubby Oscar.