Is It Wrong That I Love Chubby?

chubby_baby

image by google

Kids – that is.

There is nothing yummier than layers upon layers of baby rolls and folds and dimples and crevices and roly-poly bellies and plump thighs and rotund cheeks and quadruple tubby chins.  Utterly, edible.

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Nom…nom..nom…
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It’s an obsession I have had since I was a young skinny lass.  My family knows too well that if there is a young chubbo in the room, I am a goner.  They roll their eyes and say, “Here we go…a chubby baby”.

I cannot help myself.  My legs go weak and buckle, my eyes go bug-eye, my tongue dangles lifeless over my chin, I gasp for air, my voice goes up 130 decibels…well, I think you get the picture now.

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Moms hold your chubby babies tight when I’m around weddingbee.com

They are just so damn irressistable.

Take a look at this chubster.  Who needs a bidet anyway?

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image by google

It’s not just chubby babies that I adore.  I will also kill for chubby toddlers.  They are everything adorable chubby babies are except for now, those rolls, folds & crevice-infested beings, move around and talk!  Me muero!

Imagine my surprise and delight when a little super chubby 4/5 year old boy approaches me at Target yesterday.  I almost peed a lot a little.  Except that this precious ball of chubbiness was alone and he was crying!

I scrouched down to his level and asked him what was wrong.

Tub-tub:  I can’t find my family (whimper, whimper).

Me:  (holding back the urge to squeeze him) Oh, honey it’s ok, I’ll help you find your family.  Don’t you worry.

Tub-tub:  Maybe they went to the mall without me (whimper, sniff, whimper).

Me: Oh no honey, I am sure they are looking for you right now.  I know that your mommy and daddy told you not to talk to or go with strangers so I am not going to hold your hand (even though I want to stuff you in my cart and take you home) but I want you to hold the cart and we will go together to the customer service desk to find your family.

Tub-tub:  What if they went to get food without me? (sob..sob..sniff)

Me:  Oh no, they wouldn’t get food without you.  What’s your name sweetie?

Tub-tub:  Oscar.

Me:  Ok Oscar, we are going to have the store call your mommy over the loud speaker so that she knows where to come get you.  Is that alright (you bundle of irresistible toddler lard, you?)

Oscar and I sit on a bench by the desk waiting for the mama to get paged

Target Lady:  Will Shelley please report to the courtesy desk, Shelley.

I spot a “Shelley” and an older brother running towards us pushing their cart.

Shelley:  Oh honey,  you knew just where to go so that I would find you!

Me:  Ehh…actually I brought him here (had it taken you two more minutes to get your *ss here, he would have been MY Oscar).

Shelley:  Oh, thank you and I’m sorry.  Oscar, it’s ok.  You drifted off to the toy aisle and we couldn’t find you.

Oscar:  Sniff-sniff, whimper-whimper, hug-hug

Big Brother:  Why did you leave to look at toys, stupid?

As I say my goodbyes and start walking away I hear Oscar say;

Don’t ever leave me alone again, that made me very sad!!!

I love me some chubby Oscar.

 

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40 thoughts on “Is It Wrong That I Love Chubby?

  1. OMG I can’t believe I found this page!

    I LOVE chubby kids, too! Love big bellies, chubby cheeks and the complete unselfconsciousness of little ones running around, plump and healthy. 🙂

    Love love love peace to all, both stout and small. xoxo

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  2. AHH my coworker also loves chubby kids, and pointed one out to me as an example and it made me CRINGE!! The girl was SO OVERWEIGHT it hurt my lungs just watching her try to breath. I used to LOVE fat animals..but now..that just kinda makes me sad for them haha.

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    1. Oscar didn’t know it but he needed me to be at Target at that very moment. I can’t for the life of me remember why I was near the toy aisle but it was meant to be. I hope he is sleeping well at nights without me there to protect him from his mean big brother. 🙂

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  3. Aw! Poor Oscar! I become incredibly panicked if I see a lost child, I can’t handle it. I feel like I creepily stare at children on the regular, just to make sure they aren’t lost. I’m probably on a kidnapper watch list.

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    1. I love helping kids who are lost but especially if they are CHUBBY! I remember getting into an elevator thinking my family was right behind me but the doors closed and I was all alone not knowing what to do or where I would end up. I cried and cried. When the doors opened I was in the lobby. Not a lot of people came running to my rescue – probably because I wasn’t chubby!

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  4. “Toddler lard.” You crack me up, Maria! I feel the same way, the more rolls the better, especially when it comes to toddlers. I hope the next time Oscar’s mother is irresponsible, he’s lucky enough to have another Maria find him.

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  5. Effing adorable! I can just see the little guy. My GS was a chubby baby, and boy he was the cutest thing with bright blue doll eyes. Unfortunately, he is now a chubby 10 year old. Afraid it’s going to be an issue all his life.

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  6. Bahahaha bundle of irresistible toddler lard. Anna was the fastest baby in Los Angeles when she was tiny. Wait. It sounds like that’s not saying much, but for real. She was, like by 50%. You would have totally kidnapped her : )

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  7. There must be some ‘finders/keepers’ law that meant you were close to getting to keep oscar! I have a soft spot for lost kids in stores. My was always wandering off to do something. Him totally calm, me in a panic. So I relate to the sad little ones. Maybe you could have hid him, hit the time limit and got to keep him!

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