“Noe H-ablow Es-panole” – A Spanish Lesson

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Unless you have been living under a rock (which would be nice, wouldn’t it?), you have heard that Spanish, is the second most used language in the U.S.

According to pewresearch.org, “Spanish is by far the most spoken non-English language in the U.S. today among people ages 5 and older. It is also one of the fastest-growing, with the number of speakers up 233% since 1980, when there were 11 million Spanish speakers.”

Bottom Line:  Andale, Andale people!  Get with the programa!

Your choices are to dust off that high school Spanish textbook,  invest in Rosetta Stone or (the better option) enroll in brickhousechick’s Spanish Lesson/s.  (Depending on the enrollment numbers, more lessons will be taught in future posts.)

This first lesson costs no dinero – because I love you all.  Let’s get started:

*  I will phonetically spell the words out to help you with pronunciation

(because I am muy bonita)

1.  Useful Spanish words to say in your casa with your familia:

* Cayatey la bowka, e-diotah! – Cayate la boca, idiota! = Shut your mouth, idiot!

* Feyo esposo/a,  da-mey me coemeedah a-aura!Feo esposo/a,  dame mi comida ahora! =  Ugly spouse, give me my food now!

* Dah-may el clicky-clicky, din-bat! – Dame el clicky-clicky, din-bat! = Give me the remote you dingbat!

* Noe voy a sahkar la malldeetah ba-soorah – No voy a sacar la maldita basura! = I’m not taking the damn trash out! 

morguefile

morguefile

   Muy bien, amigos.  Your pronunciation was excelente.  Take a 5 minute siesta or go drink a cold cerveza and come right back.  I will be waiting.

All set?  Vamos!

2.  Useful Spanish words to say while at the DMV:

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* May goose-tarhea raynovar me leeciencia, por fa-vore –Me gustaría renovar mi liciencia, por favor. = I would like to renew my license, please.

*Ohyay Saynore bagow kay noe teeanay oh-trah veedah e ah kien lay enkantah estar en controll, coemow kay es-tah ventahnah estah ser-ada? – Oye, Señor bago que no tiene otra vida y al quien le encanta estar en control, como que esta ventana esta cerrada?  =  Listen, lazy guy who has no life and loves to be in control, what do you mean this window is closed?

*Porkay daymonios estan towdos los emplayahdos  almor-sandoe à la meesmah vez? – Por que demonios están todos los empleados almorzando à la misma vez? = Why the hell are all the employees at lunch at the same time?

Fabuloso!  

You all did a great job repeating the phrases.  Before you know it, you will be one of  406 million people speaking this all-important language.

Enrollment is now open.

61 thoughts on ““Noe H-ablow Es-panole” – A Spanish Lesson

  1. Love it! My favorite Spanish word is “Que?” with a confused look and tilted head. That is my response to every question that a loud and annoying English speaking only tourist barks at me whenever I’m rushing through town on my way to work or some other event that I am inevitably late for. There is something magical about living in a city where you can plausibly pretend not to speak the language when you want to avoid a conversation.

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    1. Ha,ha! QUE is the most helpful word when wanting to avoid anything and anyone. My kids love to use it after I have just finished barking long orders. QUE? When you really want to piss someone off you do the double Que. QUE, QUE??????????????

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        1. en el estado de Washington, en Kennewick, muy cerca a Pasco. East Pasco is pretty much our little Latin America, but Hispanics live throughout the Tri-Cities. The next region over, the lower Yakima Valley, is almost solidly Hispanic now.

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  2. Strangely enough, I did better reading your actual Spanish than your phonetic. I also understood most of it. I suspect it may be a combination of my Filipina roots and my Spanish classes from my youth. Or maybe it was that my one of my best friends in high school was Boricua. Of course you completely left out the sentence I learned from watching Salsa (Hey, I had a crush on Robi Rosa). “No me llame puta cabron.” And yes, I am well aware of what it means…LOL! You know what totally blew my mind? The differences in pronunciation from one Hispanic culture to the next.

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    1. I couldn’t even read the phonetics I wrote. You’ve got the makings of a Señorita, for sure! Glad you don’t need my help translating that phrase. I had problems when I went to Spain – understanding the dialect and the difference in pronunciation. There truly are a lot of differences from culture to culture. One word that needs no interpretation however is, AMOR!! 🙂

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  3. I know how to say my pencil is green in Spanish!

    Having worked in restaurants with mostly Hispanic (central american) kitchen staffs, I also used to know such classic phrases as “Is for me, the knife”, “I would not serve this to a cow”, “your carnal relations with that goat are the stuff of legends”, and my favorite “not unless you give me a beer”.

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  4. YOu are the best! My 5 year old niece is in Spanish Immersion school and its so adorable to see her bi-lingual at such a young age. I am slowly trying to learn so I can work with her on it. 🙂

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    1. That is fantastico!!!!! I wish there were more immersion schools around. You have got to get them while they are young. I’ve enrolled you in my class and I promise, I will give you some appropriate 5 year old words to try out, in addition to the inappropriate ones. 🙂

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    1. That’s important stuff to know. Although many times people speaking Spanish (my mom – especially) sound angry when speaking even though they are not. So they may not be cussing at you or calling you something dirty, but simply saying, “Hola amiga, como te llamas? The teaching of cuss words and dirty words will be an extra $20 per lesson, depending on the word. For you though: $19.99. 🙂

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      1. Ay chihuahua– my eighth-grade Spanish teacher (she was Mexican-American) taught us “maricón” and “pendejo”. A Hispanic friend of mine was SHOCKED when I was repeating them in the hallways, because she didn’t really fully explain to us what they meant (and I wanted to remember them).

        Years later, I wanted to die when my mother brought home a T-shirt that had “pinche” on it for my daughter after a vacation in Cuernavaca… she’s fluent enough to know better than that…especially when I repeated “cabrones” and “pendejos” some years earlier. I thought I was going to be slapped.

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        1. No hay duda. It gets better– when we were studying Malinche in one of my college Spanish courses, my professor was explaining to one of my classmates (who is a native speaker) that “chingado”, “hijo de malinchón”, and some other unsavory words were references to Malinche.

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  5. Oh Maria, how I needed you in college. I did great in high school Spanish and fine my first two semesters in college. When I got to the upper level courses (201 & 202) in college, it was all conversational and I had a professor who was determined to make me realize I knew nothing…despite getting an “A” in Spanish 101 and a “B” in 102. The professor humiliated me in front of the class and made me feel like a complete idiot. Needless to say, I failed. The experience tainted my college experience…if only I had you as my professor. 🙂 Enjoy the rest of the weekend…I hope you’re feeling good! xo

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    1. I was already on this when I saw your post – and laughed! It’s a sign that you needed me at this time. You and John are my teacher’s pets and I will probably favor you and give you unearned A’s. Just sit at the front of the class and you will be all set! 🙂

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  6. Relearning Spanish is something I would love to do. There are free online classes and I looked into them, and it seemed pretty good. Unfortunately, it takes a lot of time, and time is precious when I’ve got so much to do. But I will continue to tune in to your lessons. They are quick and painless, and a little funny. LOL

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