Son: Mom, do you mind if I bring some friends home for the holidays?
Me: Of course not honey, your friends are always welcomed into our home. Will they be sleeping over? Do they need towels?
Son: Yea, they are sleeping over but they don’t need towels. Eh…they kind of like to party at night, Mom and they can be a bit noisy (contrary to literature out there, some Gerbils are nocturnal.)
Me: Well, I am sure they will be respectful and understand that we need to go to work and school.
Son: Yea, maybe…
*I am consequently now hosting, two of his “college roommates” who are partying it up like party animals do, chewing things up and getting ON my dining room table! There is one word in Spanish that sums up perfectly when something is disgusting and that word is, FOOOOOOOOOOO!
Conversation with my seventeen-year-old daughter:
Daughter: Mom, guess what?
Me: What, dear?
Daughter: I got accepted to Fordham University!
Me: Oh my gosh, that is wonderful. You must be so proud of your hard work.
Daughter: I am!
*While she was at school the next day, this is the title of an article written by the NY Times sent to me by my sister-in-law – in a panic:
2,500 APPLICANTS GET FALSE NEWS OF ACCEPTANCE TO FORDHAM
I immediately called Fordham to confirm that she is NOT one of the 2500. They informed me that they could not give me that information (aren’t’ I the one paying?) but that if her notification was sent via the Fordham portal and not a separate email, then the acceptance is legit.
Do you know what it is like to think about having to tell your Type-A 17-year-old daughter that the acceptance was a mistake? Let’s just say that I had a major hot flash at that very moment.
Thankfully, the GODS heard my cries and all the planets and stars aligned perfectly and she is indeed, accepted.
*She got a couple of other acceptances from her early applications and now we wait for the next round of applications to be sent. JOY!
Conversation with GI doctor about esophageal problems I have been experiencing (can’t swallow, feels like something is stuck):
Me: So Doctor, if the endoscopy showed that there is no obstruction, no GERD, no cancer and no other issues AND the MRI showed that I do not have bone spurs poking my esophagus then, WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?
Doctor: Well, it could be a motility issue where your esophagus goes into muscle spasms when you swallow food.
Me: But I already have all kinds of weird ailments and vagus nerve issues that affect my “movements” and even my hair hurts sometimes! Why do I have this strange motility issue?
Doctor: Let me consult with my colleague at Mass General in Boston to check if there is a correlation between dysphagia (problems swallowing) and Rheumatoid Arthritis.
Me: In the meantime, how do I do what I do best? Eat?
Doctor: I will call you on Monday. One thing we could do is to perform another endoscopy but this time inject Botox into your esophagus while we are in. Botox can relax your muscles in your esophagus and its effects will last several months.
Me: Oh, goody! This idea thrills me immensely! What happens after a couple of months when the
much wasted on my esophagus Botox wears off?
Doctor: If the muscle spasms do not stop, we give you some more Botox.
*I will accept the gerbils, and the almost mistake with a college acceptance but please, give me back the glorious joy I feel when swallowing all the foods I love (and there are many!)