I don’t hate football, I just don’t get it.
Never mind that I was a football cheerleader in high school and had no idea what this cheer meant, “First and Ten – Do it again!” Do what? First and Ten? Huh?
I know these statements above don’t make me appear very intelligent but it’s mostly about the lack of interest. Contrary to what you may believe, I am kind of smart, you know.
I just choose not to be smart when it comes to football.
In spite of this flaw, I have become somewhat of a Patriots fan (thanks to Tom Brady, I mean Tommy Baby.) I will actually sit down and watch his “backside” as well as that of his teammates. You know, the tight pants and the bending over… and I even know to clap when there is a touchdown.
My favorite part of the game of course, is the eating of junk food while “watching”. Such a great excuse to eat greasy, salty and fatty foods. The GLUTEN kind of food. Word has it that it is completely acceptable to eat a whole bag of chips with onion dip, when watching football. Nobody judges you (cuz nobody is watching you because they are watching the game.)
I know there are a lot of XX chromosomes out there that love the game – and if you are one of them, good for you.
This leads me to my not so favorite part of game watching. Listening to the XY chromosomes in the room reacting to every single play.
It makes it for a very stressful experience. There is often a lot of yelling, swearing, screaming, scolding, arguing, standing up, knee slapping, fist clenching, pointing and swearing some more. Even during the commercials.
They automatically become football experts/coaches who criticize the plays that didn’t work and argue about how they would have handled it differently.
They analyze everything to death. They analyze the morning of the game, during the pre-game, during the game, during the commercials, after the game, the morning after, the afternoon after and into the next evening.
These are the same XY’s who claim not to be capable of understanding or engaging in a conversation with the XX’s to analyze their relationships. They suddenly forget how to speak, what to say or how to describe their thoughts or feelings. Even though, they have just solved all the NFL problems and have come up with new ideas, resolutions and strategies.
Remind me to wear this, the next time I want to “talk” to my XY: