50 things I will NOT do on my 50th

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50 Things I will NOT do on my 50th:

1.  I will not – NOT cry 

2.  I will not clean

3.  I will not do laundry

4.  I will not make my bed

5.  I will not go running (on that day or ever)

6.  I will not diet

7.  I will not pick up the socks from the floor

8.  I will not – NOT be happy 

9.  I will not feed the children

10.  I will not feed the husband

11.  I will not feed anyone

12.  I will not – NOT embarrass my children 

13.  I will not fake a smile

14.  I will not wear deodorant 

15. I will not put the cap back on the toothpaste tube  

16.  I will most certainly not replace the toilet paper

17. I will not flush

18.  I will not stop humming

19.  I will not wear a bra

20.  I will not get dressed

21.  I will not pay the bills

22.  I will not paint my own nails

23.  I will not stop watching reality tv

24.  I will not cut my carbs –damn it

25.  I will not use PAM instead of butter

26.  I will not hold my gut in

27.  I will not let my vagus nerve control me

28.  I will not use tonic in my gin and tonic

29.  I will not delicately sip my wine

30.  I will not wipe the wet floor after my shower -(if I shower…)

31.  I will not get off the computer

32.  I will not fill the ice tray- again

33.  I will not floss

34.  I will not take my meds

35.  I will not stop dancing

36.  I will not sing in tune

37.  I will not give back rubs

38.  I will not water the dying plant

39.  I will not use a glass when drinking milk

40.  I will not have RA

41.  I will not stop shaking my leg uncontrollably because it annoys my husband.

42.  I will not share the covers

43.  I will not – NOT be first in everything

44.  I will not turn down my cell phone ring tone

45.  I will not flatten my hair

46.  I will not stop eating

47.  I will not stop drooling

48.  I will not stop saying, What?

49.  I will not twerk (on that day only)

50.  I will not feed Ron the fish 

 

36 thoughts on “50 things I will NOT do on my 50th

  1. Love your sense of humor. When I turned 50, I remember thinking it was going to be liberating. I thought it would be a time when guys would be less looking up and down for physical edification and begin listening to what was being said. The reality was it didn’t really change. Ah well. Happy, Healthy Birthday!! Have a beautiful year!!

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  2. Oddly enough I had to ask someone a few weeks ago what the heck twerking was. When they told me, I rolled my eyes and asked why they felt the need to give it a name like that. (And is it me or has that move been around a lot longer than it’s name?)

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    1. Kitt – it is not just you! I remember thinking the same thing. I guess its the age of tweeting. Let’s face it, there is no way to easily describe those moves in so few letters without making up a name for it.

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    1. Don’t Worry, Be Happy! I did not say I would not dance! So, yes!! I’ll be ready to salsa! You won’t embarrass me, I’ll do the leading. LOL. D day is on Monday and I may be sober that day, not sure. 🙂

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      1. And if you want to just salsa-salsa a little, here we go! Save me a dance…I’ll try not to embarrass you..

        You didn’t rule dancing out did you? I don’t remem ber seeing it on the list. 🙂

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