Ok, brickhousechick. It’s time to get with the program. Your husband who turned 50 last Fall is seeing a personal trainer (how can we forget Marit…) and is in the best shape of his life.
He is not eating sugar and has cut out most carbs. He’s cranky more often but that’s beside the point.
When are you going to start doing something about your body? You only have two months left. Approaching your 50’s is supposed to give you that motivating kick in the gouda to start taking better care of yourself. Kind of like when you are asked to be in a wedding or going to a high school reunion.
No more excuses. There is an abundance of information out there to help you become a more healthy you. Let’s review the latest information you came across last night while eating Mint Milanos and googling the latest health craze.
1. Prancercizing – everyone is doing it. It’s not that difficult and even John Mayer is endorsing it! Get out there (preferably in your driveway) and prance away, girl!
2. Lymphatic Brushing – exfoliating is out, dry brushing is in! Get your circulation going and get rid of cellulite while you are at it!
3. Camel’s Milk – no doubt you’ve heard of camel toe, but now it’s all about their milk! It’s supposed to be better for you. Camel’s milk has been used medicinally for centuries by nomadic people, and is the closest to human mother’s milk. It contains 10 times more iron and three times more vitamin C than cow’s milk. Camels possess unique, powerful immune-system components. Not sure if you’ll find it at Wal-Mart or Trader Joe’s, brickhouse. It may require a visit to the desert.
4. Ballet Workouts – the latest low impact exercise that is putting a dent on the yoga craze. Can you plié while prancercising?
5. Eating dung from sacred cows – very popular in Asia…
6. Alkaline Water – no real studies show, that it neutralizes the acid in your body, boosts your metabolism and absorbs nutrients more effectively than regular H20 and can slow bone loss. But, don’t lick the batteries.
6. BB Detox Tea – apparently, BB stands for blemish balm and it comes from Korea. It comes as a cream and has skin whitening components and is used for age spots, acne and wrinkles. It also comes in form of a tea and it is a detoxifying cleanse.
7. Train Track Therapy – this one will freak you out brickhouse, since you have developed a new fear of train tracks! In Indonesia, after a paralyzed chinese man went to the tracks to commit suicide and was miraculously cured, people go lay across the tracks as a train is approaching, to benefit from the electric therapy, jump off before the train gets too close, only to lay back down once the train passes in order to benefit from the residual electricity. Some will do this twice a day.
Or… you could just simply eat better, brickhouse.