The Swim to My 50s – Things that make me ^%@#*- swear!

I am by no means a prude but I am no cusser either.  I get increasingly stressed out and anxious when others swear, yet hearing myself say these words, is not as bad.  I still try to avoid it.

Unfortunately, I am finding that the frequency of me reaching that…breaking point has increased over time.   Not only am I swearing more in English, but the Spanish swears are flying off the shelves of my sassy tongue!  And let me tell you, swearing in Spanish is even more gratifying.

I have an answer to the very clever quote above.  I don’t open my package because I…f-@#*%-‘in – can’t!

Have you tried opening packages lately?  For the love of God, somebody do something!

Did you know that by 2030, there will be about 72.1 million older persons in this country?  This is more than twice the number in 2000. People 65+ will represent 19% of the population by then.

Hello?  Manufacturers, are you listening?

This isn’t just a problem for the elderly or people with arthritis.  Everyone seems to be resorting to their chicklets to open just about… everything.

I have tried to adjust to this reality by purchasing user-friendly gadgets in order to make my life easier and to actually cook dinner for my family.  No one is ever home when I need to open those jars and cans and I was tired of hobbling over to the neighbor’s house for help.

This funky electric gadget above looks like the Cat’s Meow but, it lasted one day.  The thing jammed the jar in there so tight that I could not only not open the jar, I couldn’t remove it and had to throw the whole thing away.

Got a headache?  Relief is going to have to wait until you figure out how to twist the cap open, rupture the safety seal, peel the remaining foil out, reach in the small opening for the cotton ball and get the two d-*&%# caplets out.

I’m sorry, but if you have to use a meat cleaver to open up your new way too expensive printer ink, something is very wrong!

I had just about enough a couple of months ago, when I purchased an OralB electric toothbrush in order to make my life easier and alleviate my aching wrists.  I tried opening the stiff “clamshell” plastic packaging (I even used my handy As Seen On Tv, Open X Dual Blade knife) and ended up with a big gash on my finger from the sharp edge of the plastic.  Really?  I bled trying to open up my new toothbrush?  After writing a letter to Procter & Gamble, they responded by saying that the instructions were in the back of the package.

How about those convenient little #@%^* ketchup packets?  After trying to “tear here” with your fingers and then your teeth,  you end up with a huge mess and thinking you would have been better off stomping on the packet instead.

Heinz Ketchup

Heinz Ketchup

For the sake of my new and rapidly developing  potty mouth and my grandchildren-to-be, I hope that companies stop triple packaging everything and realize that half of the population cannot use their products because they can’t… open them!


11 thoughts on “The Swim to My 50s – Things that make me ^%@#*- swear!

  1. It’s always Santa who delivers the packaging rage in this house – I know of nothing that’s more over-engineered and ridiculous than the packing on kids’ toys – once you get past the cardboard box, there’s multi-layered plastic (each one sealed with invisible tape that means you have to squint at it with your reading specs on – just what you want to be doing at 6 am), then you get to the inner sanctum and find the damn thing has been secured in place from behind with 52 wire twists and parcel ties. Toy Story meets Fifty Shades. Gaaaah!! Great post!


  2. On the scale of bitterness 1 being a really nice person and a 10 being me of course, I would rate you a solid 8. I say that because you are just short of your potential which is the true meaning of bitterness. This will give you something to aim for in the future. When you think of bitter, think of Bitter Ben.


  3. I’m sorry to laugh at your pain but you’re too funny. Totally agree though! Especially those plastic ones that ALWAYS make you bleed. It’s ridiculous how much they protect the simplest products, but yet egg containers and flash light boxes offer no protection for these delicate items. The whole world is just stupid!


  4. So true, Maria! This is a major pet peeve of mine. At least 3 times a week, I encounter a product that is impossible to open. My first thought is always, how does an elderly person open this. The worst offenders are items packaged in that hard plastic that you can’t even cut with the sharpest scissors. Ay! It makes me want to cuss just thinking about it and I don’t typically cuss either. Great post!


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