I swear, I do not own a pair of mom jeans. Even I know that pleated, high-wasted washed out jeans are so…out. Duh! Ask the Saturday Night Live crew and they will tell you.
I even have several low-rise jeans that I wear on occasion, when I have a long enough blouse to cover up my… muffin top. I don’t love them, but I do try to wear them when I want to feel cool and young.
Of course, this entails having to wear a thong (NO!) or low-rise undies so that you cannot see my undies when I bend over (which I wouldn’t do because it would hurt my tummy, because the jeans are too tight).
Let us discuss thongs for a minute. Ay. Really? I did try. I have a pair of black lacy ones but…no. It is just not going to happen. Did I say, ouch? I am happy with the nylon black/white/beige mid-rise undies I have. Sorry, honey.
So I figured, I am not too bad/uncool of a mom, right? As I have mentioned before, I only purposely embarrass my teens when I dance in public and when I decide to use my heavy Spanish accent.
The rest of the time, I do what I am told. I do not engage in much conversation when taking their friends home, I abstain from asking too many questions of their friends when they are over our house, I barely speak to the store clerk when they are with me in stores, I NEVER use coupons in their presence and I try to chew my popcorn as quietly as possible when at the movies with them.
You would think that after doing all of that, they would cut me a little slack, right? Sadly, this is not the case.
I suppose that there may be two main reasons for this. The first one could be:
1) The fact that I love wearing visors in the summer.
And the second might be:
2) That I wear my black fanny pack when I go out for walks.
In their defense, they have told me straight out how uncool it is for me to wear visors and fanny packs and I believe they have even begged me not to.
But, I cannot obey. Visors are the answer to all of my hat hair problems. They do not flatten my hair, do not make me hot and sweaty and yet, still block the sun from my face. Hello? What is there not to love?
Fanny Packs. The second best invention since sliced bread. Who wants to carry their keys, phone, chap stick, water bottle or emergency chocolate in a purse while exercising? It just does not work. We all need a handy, awkward, ugly, ‘makes our stomachs stick out’ – strapped bag over our fannies. I can’t leave the house without mine.
If only my kids would understand how difficult it is for me to give these up.
Then, it occurred to me. Brickhousechick, you must choose a day out of the whole year when your kids have to be nice to you (my birthday is not for 4 months), like MOTHER’S DAY to bring this issue up!
Although Mother’s Day is…tomorrow and they have yet to ask me what I want, when they do, I will be sure to ask them for a new visor and fanny pack that they get to pick out themselves! Brilliant!
In the meantime, Happy Mother’s Day!