The Swim to My 50s – At least I don’t wear “Mom” jeans!

Mom Jeans -Saturday Night Live

Mom Jeans -Saturday Night Live

I swear, I do not own a pair of mom jeans. Even I know that pleated, high-wasted washed out jeans are so…out. Duh!  Ask the Saturday Night Live crew and they will tell you.  

I even have several low-rise jeans that I wear on occasion, when I have a long enough blouse to cover up my… muffin top.  I don’t love them, but I do try to wear them when I want to feel cool and young.  

Of course, this entails having to wear a thong (NO!) or low-rise undies so that you cannot see my undies when I bend over (which I wouldn’t do because it would hurt my tummy, because the jeans are too tight).

Let us discuss thongs for a minute.  Ay. Really?  I did try. I have a pair of black lacy ones but…no.  It is just not going to happen.  Did I say, ouch? I am happy with the nylon black/white/beige mid-rise undies I have.  Sorry, honey.

So I figured, I am not too bad/uncool of a mom, right? As I have mentioned before, I only purposely embarrass my teens when I dance in public and when I decide to use my heavy Spanish accent.  

The rest of the time, I do what I am told.  I do not engage in much conversation when taking their friends home,  I abstain from asking too many questions of their friends when they are over our house, I barely speak to the store clerk when they are with me in stores, I NEVER use coupons in their presence and I try to chew my popcorn as quietly as possible when at the movies with them.


You would think that after doing all of that, they would cut me a little slack, right?  Sadly, this is not the case.

I suppose that there may be two main reasons for this.  The first one could be:

1)  The fact that I love wearing visors in the summer.

And the second might be:

2)  That I wear my black  fanny pack when I go out for walks. 

In their defense, they have told me straight out how uncool it is for me to wear visors and fanny packs and I believe they have even begged me not to.

But, I cannot obey.  Visors are the answer to all of my hat hair problems.  They do not flatten my hair, do not make me hot and sweaty and yet, still block the sun from my face.  Hello? What is there not to love?


Fanny Packs.   The second best invention since sliced bread.  Who wants to carry their keys, phone, chap stick, water bottle or emergency chocolate in a purse while exercising?  It just does not work.  We all need a handy, awkward, ugly, ‘makes our stomachs stick out’ – strapped bag over our fannies.  I can’t leave the house without mine.

Cafe Press

Cafe Press

If only my kids would understand how difficult it is for me to give these up.  

Then, it occurred to me.  Brickhousechick, you must choose a day out of the whole year when your kids have to be nice to you (my birthday is not for 4 months), like MOTHER’S DAY to bring this issue up!  

Although Mother’s Day is…tomorrow and they have yet to ask me what I want,  when they do, I will be sure to ask them for a new visor and fanny pack that they get to pick out themselves!  Brilliant!

In the meantime, Happy Mother’s Day!

My mother and I 1963

My mother and I – 1963


22 thoughts on “The Swim to My 50s – At least I don’t wear “Mom” jeans!

  1. I have a closet full of low rise jean, but I’m quite petite and they look like regular jeans on me. I typically just go commando when I wear them, it could be that I don’t conform well. 🙂 I haven’t followed your blog very long, but I am enjoying it so much and I gave the Versatile Blogger Award to the last five blogs I followed. I hope my followers will follow you. Details on my page. Keep up the great job!


    1. Lucky you! 🙂 Commando?? I don’t know if I could do it, with jeans….ouch? Thanks so much for the award! I went over to your site and checked out your blog. My daughter loves country music. I am not as familiar as she is but I will learn a lot from your blog. 🙂


  2. Hahaha-So when I was about 7 years old, I collected unicorns. 2 years ago my sister had a custom-made fanny pack done for me with unicorns on it. I sometimes wear it for its immense coolness. 🙂 I say wear what ya’ want! You rock!


  3. Hahaha fanny pack makes me giggle, I love some of the subtle language differences – calling it a bumbag would make YOU giggle though, right?


  4. Thanks for a great laugh….you’re hilarious! I’m with you when it comes to thongs. Believe me, thongs and Crohn’s Disease don’t mix! 🙂 I love my fanny pack and it’s leopard print just like your visor. Happy Mother’s Day!


  5. Visor and fanny pack aside… did you say you’re actually ALLOWED in the movie theater with your kids???? You just broke the glass ceiling of supreme Mommy-coolness… Mom jeans or not! Um… Thong (“anal-floss”,Hah!)??? Hell to the NO! Seems like one persistent, irritating, albeit stylish kind of a wedgie… don’t even get it! I’ve gone my whole life without a thong up ma’ butt… and my butt thanks me every day! I try and make sure my ginormous Bridgette Jones style granny panties are tucked ever so carefully into my skinny-jeans (if anyone spots those shiny smooth beige control-top reinforcements…. I’m banned… for sure)!! Can’t wait to see the new fanny pack and visor! Must post a picture, please! Happy Mother’s Day!


  6. Haha, brillliant indeed! Visors are cool! At least I think so, and I’m 24 so if that makes me a weird 20-something year old then so be it.

    I actually think low-rise jeans SUCK… They make your love handles/muffin top worse. Stupid “teen” styles!


  7. I actually tried a thong once…I was attending a Nutrition Symposium. I thought “wouldn’t it be totally RAD to wear a thong amongst all these clinical intellectuals”? In college, all our Nutrition profs wore sensible shoes with skirts over the knees. Well…let me tell you…the minute the symposium was over, I hit the parking lot running. I couldn’t wait to get the damn (anal floss) off. They have sat in my drawer since. I think it’s like avocado or salmon. You have to try it once…then again…over and over until you are hooked!
    I just can’t get to the second try.


Let it all hang out...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s