After taking a close look at my gouda (a fun word to describe your gluteus maximus) during my April 8th post, Swimming to My 50s – “I like Big B— (Goudas) and I Cannot Lie”, I took a little break from body parts.
It was a nice break but I knew I had an obligation to continue swimming along checking for any necessary alignments and adjustments to this soon to be 50-year-old bod.
Well, right below my gouda, are my lovely thighs.
I suddenly had a flash back to the Jane Fonda exercise days back in the 80’s. I had just graduated from high school and at the suggestion of my cousin (whose thighs were a bit… large then), I went rushing to Kmart to buy my very own Jane Fonda’s Workout VHS tape!
Ok, so my thighs were a bit large as well, probably because while in high school, I spent my .35 cent daily lunch allowance on ice cream sandwiches instead of a ‘well balanced’ school lunch. At times, I chose a Drake’s Coffee Cake instead of the ice cream sandwich in order to vary my diet.
Word had it that this workout did wonders for your legs. Seeing that the ice cream and coffee cakes had all settled in my thighs, I could not wait to start the workouts.
Boy did Jane look good then! She still does – damn her. How old is she now, 80?
In the video, she sported a pink and purple striped leotard, pink tights and purple leg warmers. She looked so happy. So did her accomplices who flawlessly followed her every step. Why weren’t they sweating? And, why were they smiling so much?
The first time, I played the video all the way through without participating. I wanted to know what I was getting into. I figured if they could do it, so could I.
It was summer, I was in Puerto Rico with my family and away from my boyfriend (now husband). I decided that I would transform my thighs before seeing him again the following month.
I put on an old t-shirt, short shorts (so I could see why I was doing this), pressed the play button and began following along. Jane was looking right at me through the tv screen. She seemed to know my every move. She kept telling me to breathe (could she see me panting?). Then, she would tell me to bounce, bounce and bounce some more. As I bounced (which I believe is now known to be a bad thing to do when stretching – just saying), she told me to, make it burn.
I knew exactly what she meant by burn because my legs were on fire. How did she believe it was humanly possible to do as many leg lifts as she made me do? And the pelvic tilts…ouch!
Well, my girl Jane was right! Soon, I became obsessed with the workouts and did them twice a day every day. I was determined to have Jane-looking thighs.
Mind you, this was in the early 80’s when I was young, healthy and physically able! Unaware, that in the years to follow I would be diagnosed with RA and unable to move!
When fall rolled along and it was time to go to college, I was more than ready. Not only did my thighs look amazing but so did the rest of my body!
Fast forward to 2013. What can I say? I’m sure Jane’s thighs still look good. But, I’m not bitter. My almost 50-year-old thighs are strong and have been the pillars that have kept me grounded, steady and able to support all the heavy burdens that have come my way.