How can this be? Why me?
I cannot deny, that the warning signs indicating that I had somewhat of an addictive personality, were there. I sort of suspected that it was not normal for me to order a case of Olde Cape Cod Poppyseed Dressing, after having night sweats and a panic attack at the thought of not having my next supply.
Or, the fact that I hide chap stick (shh…) everywhere in my house and car so that when the uncontrollable shakes come over me, I have immediate access to my fix.
I continued to ignore my loved ones’ warnings thinking that, contrary to what they believed, I did not have an addictive bone in me.
Consequently, against the advice of other blog-oholics, on that raw March evening (last month), I took a bite of the -oh, so tempting – blogging apple. I, brickhousechick, waited until my family was out, locked myself in my room, closed the shades, googled blogging sites, came across the WordPress world and, Wham-O! I was hooked after my first post.
Nothing will ever top that first time. The rush I felt writing my first post. Trying desperately to figure out what on earth a Widget was and how to add a picture to my Gravatar. I get chills just thinking about it.
I soon discovered, sadly, that one post was not enough. I needed to experience a higher state of excitement. I needed more. I had to write more.
I began sneaking around with my laptop any chance I could, reading other blogger’s posts, commenting on them and even pressing their Like buttons. The thrill of almost getting caught, only increased my desire to do more.
I found myself staying home all day and night. My husband was suspicious and expressed his concerns. Why did I need to speak or socialize with real people when my virtual enabling blog-oholic friends, were always there for me? They understood how I felt. They got who I really was and they, did not judge me.
Well, the consequences of my new-found addiction began to show their ugly faces. I had bags under my eyes from staying up all night coming up with ideas for my next post. My neck was permanently curved in a severe osteoporosis – kind of way. My fingers became stronger than an eagle’s talons, as I grasped my laptop for dear life unable to let go. It was time I got help.
Today, I am happy to announce, I was one hour and 35 seconds sober (blog-free) until I began writing this post, two hours ago. Please do not judge me. Writing is part of my recovery. I am not perfect and just because it is 1:00 in the morning, does not mean I have fallen off the wagon. It is just a small set back. I blame it on my husband actually, who had to travel this weekend and left me completely unsupervised in my bed, with my laptop.
“Serenity Now”. Tomorrow, is another day and everyday after that, is a gift. A new beginning. I pray for you, my fellow blog-oholics, that you may find peace and comfort in knowing that I am always here for you (especially in the middle of the night, when my husband is asleep).
I will sacrifice my recovery so that I may be available to help those who find themselves diving off the wagon and running for their laptops. That, my friends, is the kind of blog-oholic I am.