The Swim To My 50s and… Butt Chins

This ‘long distance’ swim to my 50s is a lot of work! It’s only March and I still have a lot of body parts left to examine, not to mention my feelings, reflections and deep thoughts about turning 50!

I compare this process to going to the dermatologist and having them check out every inch of your body for any suspicious moles/spots that don’t belong.  Except that, my findings as much as they are not welcomed and do not belong,  are not malignant, only annoying and depressing. I am going from head to toe in this process and have just finished inspecting my lips, mouth, cheeks, chin and neck.

I am no Angelina Jolie, but my lips are shapely.  They are not cracking, thanks to my addiction to Chap Stick which began at a very young age.  I don’t know how it all started but do you have any idea the panic and trauma I experience when there is no Chap Stick in sight??  My mouth begins to feel dry and I have an urge to swallow often.  Next, is the prickly feeling I get on my lips.  It starts off mild but soon escalates to a full-blown big-time prickly feeling!  I begin to feverishly lick my lips  which only makes things worse!  Then, the frantic search begins for any tube of Chap Stick I may have lying around. I keep one in all rooms of the house and in my car.  But, every once in a while, I can’t find one, or worse yet, the tube is empty!!!    Oh, the horror.

Never, ever leave the house without lipstick on!  These are the wise words of my Puerto Rican mother.  Ay Dios Mio,  what would the neighbors say?  I began taking my mother’s advice at the age of 13 (when I discovered lip gloss) and haven’t stopped since.  I am probably going to die of lead poisoning from lipstick use, if the Alzheimer’s or Rheumatoid Arthritis don’t kill me first, but at least I will look good!  Here is a pic of my Puerto Rican lead-filled lips. 🙂

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Now, above my lips, is something I don’t like to talk about very often. Ready?  It’s my mustache!  Si!  I have one!  I have been bleaching, plucking and waxing since the age of 2 (I should have started then).  Short of doing electrolysis, I have tried it all.  It continues to grow back darker and with a vengeance! What is a girl to do?

Inside my mouth are a nice set of teeth, thanks to the joint effort of my orthodontist and dentist back in ’85.  I had just graduated from college and begged my parents to pay for my braces as my graduation gift.   Growing up, I had a pretty large gap between my front teeth.  I could floss with a rope.  How I ended up having so many boyfriends, is still a mystery to me!  But, at 24, I had what my dentist called a Hollywood smile.  I have thoroughly enjoyed my pearly whites and made sure I smiled at all my High School reunions, to show everyone my new gap-less teeth. Well…that gap is coming back! Yes, they are separating again!  How can I possibly face my 50s like this!  Time to call my kids’ orthodontist to get a new retainer.

It’s a good thing my cheeks are in good shape these days.   When I am not on a mega dose of Prednisone, which gives me that moon/chipmunk face in addition to making me lose my hair, life is good.  I have always had a love-hate relationship with Prednisone and it usually involves my cheeks.  From now to September, I don’t anticipate being on a mega dose (if my body behaves), so I should be all set!

Butt Chin – a chin that has a small/large dent in the middle.  This, according to Urban Dictionary.  Really, do they have to call it that?  Well, I am proud of my butt chin!  It’s…special!  I share this lovely facial feature with many famous people.   There’s Peter from Family Guy ,   Image  he’s got a beauty! And how about  Danny Zuko from Grease?

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Then, there’s the beautiful, Sandra Bullockhers is a bit more subtle.

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After 9/11, when we had National Guards manning the airports, I had a bizarre and creepy butt chin experience!  I was traveling by myself probably to Puerto Rico, and was walking to my gate.  Approaching me was a guard in his camo uniform with a rifle by his side.  I was puzzled but understood the importance of his presence there.  He stopped me and with a ver sly smile told me that he would not let me pass through to my gate until I smiled and showed him the dimple on my chin!  What??? I didn’t know how to react so I tried to walk past him but he said it again!  I was beyond shocked and feeling very uncomfortable.  I gave him a dirty look and continued walking to my gate.  The nerve!!  He did not stop me again but I am, to this day, angry at myself for not reporting him. The jerk!

Lucky for me, no one has ever commented on my neck.  It’s just a neck,  nothing special.  I have yet to feel the need to cover it up with scarves in order to hide any wrinkles or folds, yay me!  It is a nice almost 50-year-old neck!

In my earlier posts, I promised that I would talk about my cousin the plastic surgeon.  Although I have not had to pay him a “visit” yet, and I have decided not to get my butt chin fixed, he has recommended a product to tackle those horrible brown spots!   It’s not a cure-all but definitely reduces their appearance. I share this with you only because I am…nice.  Check  out, http://www.obagi.com/

Until next time when I go  from my neck down!

Let it all hang out...

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